As a working mom, I miss out on a lot of the "moments." I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't be the one to see Jack's first "official" crawl or his first real steps. I probably won't be around for his first word unless that blessed event takes place after 7p.m. on a weekday or over the weekend. I have accepted that my husband is far better at understanding Jack than I am, that the difference between a hungry cry, a tired cry, and an oh-my-God-someone-put-poo-in-my-diaper cry are totally obvious to him and totally obscure to me. I'm okay with the fact that he knows exactly which way Jack likes his bottle to be held or which way he songs are his new favorites, and which stuffed animal is his cuddle-buddy of the day while I'm totally in the dark on those things. And my husband, God bless him, does his very best to make me feel like I'm the center of Jack's universe even though I know Jack's world totally revolves around Daddy.
But sometimes Jack really just needs mom. And it feels really good to just be mom. Not working mom. Not lawyer mom. Not feeding Jack with one hand and typing out an email with the other hand mom. Just mom, giving her 110% mom best.
When I came home from work yesterday, Jack just wasn't himself. He was fussy - angry even, and wouldn't be consoled. I picked him up to hold him and his skin was so hot. He was so feverish, so sick. I held him, consoled him, gave him medicine, held cool cloths on him, and stayed up with him.
He needed mom. For as horrible as I felt for him - he was clearly so miserable - I felt so good just being mom. Even if it meant that I went to work on about three hours of sleep. I'll trade sleep for those moments of being needed, those true mom moments, any day.
Thank you, Jack, for letting me be mom. I hope I'm doing a good job.
And, as a little P.S. for Jack's fans: he did go to the hospital tonight when his fever spiked. He's home with us now, resting quietly, and feeling much better. He's such a trooper.