Monkey Butt Junction

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2011-02-10T09:07:00.000-06:00

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Raised by the Internet...and my heart.

2011-02-08T05:00:00.003-06:00

This month's theme in the Carnival of Natural Parenting is "Parenting Essentials: I cannot imagine parenting without __________." For me, the answer was at my fingertips.

Everything I know about being a mom I learned from the Internet. Almost.

When I felt my very first pregnancy symptoms, I raced to Dr. Google. When it came time to prepare for baby's arrival, I consulted baby message boards. As I readied myself for Jack's birth, I packed my hospital bag while consulting a list I found on the web. After my son arrived, I consulted the Internet for every little sniffle and cry. I routinely checked out baby milestone guidelines to make sure that he was progressing on track. I will admit to typing the phrase "is green newborn poop normal?" into Google. More than once. (Although I won't own up to making any comparisons by using a Google image search). When 2010's rash of baby recalls hit - everything from strollers to cribs to teething tablets - I checked the 'net for the latest data on what products were safe and what was recalled. And if I needed a fast answer to something, a simple "Hey, parents, I have a question" post on Facebook brought all kinds of answers right to my inbox. And how else would I fall in with the crunchy, whole foods, cloth diapering, amber necklace wearing crowd that I love so dearly? God knows my real-life crew find that nuts, but my Internet tribe is right with me.

How on Earth did people manage to have children before the Internet? I can't imagine parenting without it, yet it wasn't long ago that everything I've described here would have been classified as fanciful science fiction.

The old phrase that "it takes a village to raise a child" is certainly true. Our ancestors - heck, our parents - often had close families, friends and neighbors they could turn to when they had problems, questions, concerns or insecurities. The answers may not have been as fast as Google, but they were given with love and concern, and backed by experience. While I couldn't tell you the first name of a single person on my block, my mom grew up knowing the names and families of every child in her whole neighborhood. We've lost a lot of that community closeness, that knowledge base that people before our generation relied upon so heavily. In some ways, this big new world is okay: Google doesn't mind if you ask it about how to soothe a baby at 2:30 a.m.; Aunt Edna, on the other hand, probably wouldn't appreciate the late night call. But the Internet can't say, "hey mama, you are doing great but I think you need a little rest. Let me rock the boy for an hour while you get a nap." We miss out on some very special things without that kind of a village.

The Internet also brings with it lots of bad advice, and lots of viewpoints that conflict with my own. My Google searches on sleep advice showed me that an awful lot of parents believe in letting a baby cry it out. Some give the method fancy names, and some even back it with scientific studies, but to me it just sounds like letting my baby cry and ignoring his needs.That just doesn't sit well with me. The Internet is my guide, but my heart is my filter.

It's a whole new world, and I'm so grateful for my Internet village.

Sunday Surf: Food Scares Me, and Other Good Reads

2011-02-06T08:17:00.004-06:00

I haven't gone to the gym this week because of this tenacious cough that I can't seem to shake, but the cosmos seem to have conspired to bring me a lot of written reminders on healthy eating.

15 Health Food Impostors - A list of healthy sounding foods that really aren't, along with a nice list of alternatives for each.

The Color of Trouble is a nice summary of the concerns associated with artificial colors in food.

Just so I can beat the high fructose corn syrup drum a little harder, I present you with this article on the Corn Refiners Association attempt to sway bloggers. Old news, but nevertheless a good summary of the primary objections to HFCS.

Right after the approval of GMO alfalfa, we now have approval for genetically engineered sugar beets. Keep on shopping organic!

Eat Wild is a wonderful resource for locating and learning about grass-fed meat and dairy.

Enough on food. Time Magazine has this wonderful short called Why Spoiled Babies Grow Up To Be Smarter, Kinder Kids. While I disagree with the use of the word "spoiled," I love the article itself.

If you live in my part of the country, you spent a lot of time mid-week digging out from underneath a ridiculous amount of snow. The Big Green Purse has a great list of eco-friendly ways to de-ice your driveway. Even the nongreen among us can appreciate alternatives that will reduce the schlepping of residue into the house from salt-covered snow boots.

Better late than never, we are beginning our foray into baby sign language. I've found that this site has a nice introduction to some basic signs (including videos for people like me who have a very hard time with written directions). I'd love to hear from parents who have had success with teaching sign language to their children.

Revisiting the ring sling with a toddler

2011-02-04T21:10:00.000-06:00

When Jack was just a wee one, I bought a ring sling so I could wear him when we went out and about. I drank the Dr. Sears Kool-aid on the benefits of babywearing, and I mean that with no disrespect at all: I loved the idea of having Jack close to me, and after reading about the benefits of wearing a newborn, I saw no reason not to do so. Proponents of babywearing agree that wearing a newborn is comforting to the baby, and it is widely accepted that worn babies cry less. Dr. Sears suggests that worn babies learn more because they have more opportunity to observe and interact with their mothers. Because Jack was a winter baby, wearing him meant having him close for warmth, and it allowed me to keep him safe from the germy hands of strangers that just can't seem to keep away from a ridiculously cute baby. Overall, it was a great experience that we both benefited from.

As Jack got a little bigger and the newborn carry holds were no longer suitable, I retired my ring sling. There are ways to wear a six month old in a ring sling, but I could never get the hang of them without my husband's assistance, and I felt silly asking him for help all of the time. My gorgeous sling sat in Jack's closet for seven months and my babywearing days seemed to be behind me.

Then last weekend, as Jack was still struggling to get over a tenacious cold and cough, I remembered the ring sling. His cold had made him clingy, and I was worried about taking him out among people when he wasn't feeling his best. The ring sling sounded like a great solution: I could keep him close to me for comfort while shielding him from the coughs and sneezes of the general public. Now that he's a toddler, I could use some of the other carry positions, like the very comfortable hip carry.

I gave the sling a try, and my cranky, sick little man babbled his contentedness as we walked around the house and posed in the mirror. I wore him in the ring sling on two outings last weekend, and he and I both loved it. It gave him the comfort he needed while giving him the freedom to look around and enjoy a higher perspective than he gets sitting in a stroller.

The benefits of wearing a newborn are well-documented, but after that experience I began researching whether there were benefits of babywearing that are specific to toddlers. Obviously, Jack and I were both enriched from our experience, but our anecdote isn't a complete picture. I asked some toddler-wearing mamas what other benefits they experienced from wearing their toddlers and the answers I got really reinforced my decision to begin wearing Jack again. Among the reasons cited for wearing a toddler:

1. Safety - toddlers are beginning to learn mobile independence, and their moves aren't always predictable. A worn toddler is securely bound to his parent, and won't be able to dart into a crowd or a dangerous situation.

2. Maneuverability - strollers can be really unwieldy to navigate in crowds or close quarters. A worn toddler can move with his parent with much greater ease.

3. Observation - a worn toddler views the world from nearly an adult's-eye-view. Toddlers are naturally curious, and a worn toddler can observe adult interactions and tasks from a perspective that a stroller or the floor won't offer.

4. Verbal skills - a worn toddler is very close to every conversation that mom has, giving him the opportunity to listen more closely to the cadence of words during this vital language acquisition period.

5. Security from overstimulation - Toddlers love to stay busy, but when they get tired and overstimulated, they can get upset and frustrated. Holding a toddler close in a sling or carrier gives him security and seclusion and can help to short-circuit an overstimulation meltdown.

I have plans to wear Jack more when we go out this weekend. I'm glad I had the opportunity to revisit the benefits of wearing him.

Wordless Wednesday: Reason No. 43 to love cloth diapers.

2011-02-02T02:42:00.000-06:00

I'm actually a little afraid to put this diaper on Jack. I'm not sure that I can handle the amount of cute that will be present in that combination.

This is a judgmental post: Toddlers and TVs

2011-02-01T18:28:00.001-06:00

I was perusing a parenting message board today, and some parents of toddlers were commiserating about how difficult it is to eat at a restaurant now that they have a mobile and inquisitive child. I'm thankful that Jack isn't quite to the point where dinner out is an all-out screamfest, but clearly the behavior that the parents were describing wasn't out of the ordinary: trying to stand in the high chair, yelling inappropriately and throwing food were all common experiences. Toddlers like to explore and expand their boundaries through vocalization and physical play. Requiring them to sit quietly for a meal really is asking a lot, and I'd never judge the parents who say that they prefer to stay home because eating at a restaurant is far more work than it is an enjoyable experience.

One mom chimed in with a response that met with some favor on the message board, but which made me raise an eyebrow: she said that they kept their toddler amused by bringing along a portable DVD player to the restaurant. Her daughter would sit for at least thirty minutes if she had a movie to watch.

I was astounded. Television has little place in a young child's life, but it has no place at a restaurant. Yet that mom wasn't alone in her thought - this article suggests that a portable DVD player can make a restaurant outing with a toddler "very enjoyable."

Maybe I'll eat my words on this. Maybe the moms of older toddlers are reading this post and shaking their heads at my naivety. Maybe six months from now I'll be heading to Target, heart filled with shame, to buy our own portable DVD player. Or, maybe it really is ridiculous to plug your kid into some electronic entertainment at every opportunity.

I totally realize that I write this from an ivory tower. My toddler likes to explore, but he is a new toddler: he isn't at the age where he needs to assert his independence much, and I know that may change someday soon. But even when he is two, or three, I won't expect him to sit quietly at the dinner table while my husband and I carry on among ourselves. Jack is a member of our family and dinner time is a time that we are together as a family. When we are out for dinner, we play games with Jack at the dinner table. We make maracas out of salt shakers, we play peek a boo with menus. We talk about the colors and shapes and patterns of the restaurant decor. We play with the toys that we've brought. We share our food with him (TGIFriday's Dragonfire Chicken is Jack's favorite restaurant meal). And we never, ever pick a quiet restaurant for dinner: the more boisterous and busy the place, the more acceptable an occasional squeal of excitement will be. Dan and I get our adult conversations in too, but we always, always include Jack. We keep him engaged. We enjoy him.

This has been a Judgmental Post from Monkey Butt Junction.

For some smart, non-electronic ways to keep your toddler busy during dinner, check out this list of suggestions.

Study: Increased television watching in toddlers is linked to struggles in school

Review: Bellies and Babies Boutique

2011-01-29T17:53:00.002-06:00

I'm very fortunate to have a brick and mortar natural parenting store within thirty minutes of my house. The Bellies and Babies Boutique in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin features cloth diapers and diapering accessories, baby carriers, a wonderful collection of resale maternity clothes, and fantastic classes on everything from natural childbirth to cloth diapering 101.

The Boutique
Don't let the size of Bellies and Babies fool you: it is a small shop, but you'd be hard-pressed to want anything more in a cloth diaper store. They carry all of the major cloth diaper lines, cleaning supplies, and they even have a wonderful selection of resale diapers. Their consignment maternity clothes shop is likewise small but fabulous: I bought my favorite maternity clothes there and found them to be very affordable, with blouses and pants typically under ten dollars. The boutique also has a selection of baby slings and carriers, including makes that you don't see at the big box baby stores.

The Classes
I found Bellies and Babies when I searched for a prenatal yoga class, and the class was always small but it really was what ignited my passion for fitness that has grown over the past year. The class list goes well beyond yoga, reaching out to subjects like natural childbirth, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, infant CPR, and more. My favorite part of the class offerings is that most of the classes are Saturday and evening classes, meaning that working moms get the opportunity to participate (unlike so many other child-centric classes out there).

What I Love
I love having access to a store where I can see cloth diapers and carriers hands-on. The Internet offers a wealth of knowledge on so many topics, but even the most detailed and illustrated descriptions of the different cloth diaper systems simply don't hold a candle to seeing the diapers up close and in person. Further, I have always found the staff on duty at Bellies and Babies to be very helpful and knowledgeable. I never felt like I left the shop with an unanswered question.

Less Than Impressed
My one beef with Bellies and Babies is that their posted store hours seem to be more of a suggestion than a hard and fast rule. As a former small store owner, I totally understand that sometimes things come up and an early close is unavoidable. However, when your store is a specialty niche, and particularly when it is the only one of its kind in the area, there is no doubt that the clientele comes from afar to shop, and it is really disappointing when you arrive an hour before the set closing time to find the shop closed. That said, a telephone call ahead is an easy way to remedy that problem - I won't let it mar my opinion of the Boutique.

If You Go
Bellies and Babies Boutique
N88 W16733 Main St.
Menomonee Falls, WI 5305
262.253.6510
Hours: Tuesday, Friday, Saturday (Learn from my error! Call!)

Calendar of Classes

I'm just a stay at home mom trapped in a working mom's body.

2011-01-28T19:49:00.000-06:00

This week I decided to try sewing Jack a pair of wool longies. Now, everyone who knows me outside of this blog just had to go re-read that first sentence because I said that I was going to sew. I'm terrible at sewing. I have a brand new sewing machine that I haven't even figured out how to set up. I've owned it for nearly four years now and it has never made a single stitch. But I found a pattern for converting a wool sweater into long wool baby pants, and I thought I'd try hand-sewing them. They actually turned out okay, and they are currently keeping Jack's backside nice and warm on this cold winter night. I even got an unsolicited compliment on them when we were out tonight. Pardon the blurry camera phone photo.

I love stuff like that. I love making home cooked meals for my family. I love gardening and canning. I love baking bread and making our own condiments. I love little arts and crafts and projects. If I stayed home with Jack, I'd give some serious consideration to home schooling. I picture days filled with educational nature walks, classes at the YMCA, rainy afternoons at the library.

I think I'd make a great stay at home mom. Where do I apply?

I know that somewhere there's a stay at home mom rolling her eyes at my idyllic vision at SAHM-hood, and she'd kill to be able to just pop out for a latte or chill at Barnes & Noble on her lunch hour like I can. She'd tell me about the reality of the Bad Days, where sleep is nonexistent, babies are fussy and sick, and a shower is as rare as a unicorn sighting.I admit when I know Jack is going to have a rough day, it can feel good to head out the door, battle traffic for the better part of an hour, and look ahead to a ten hour work day. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it?

Part of me will always wonder what it would have been like to experience those Tuesday morning mom and baby groups and mid-afternoon playdates. But my family is exactly as it should be, and while I wouldn't change a thing, I'll still allow myself the occasional SAHM fantasy as I sip my latte in my office.

Favorite Cold and Flu Treatments

2011-01-27T14:40:00.000-06:00

It has been a rough week in our house. Both Jack and my husband have sinus infections, bad coughs and terrible flu symptoms. Jack just wants to be cuddled, my husband just wants to rest, and neither can seem to sleep for more than twenty minutes at a time.

Me? I'm exhausted just trying to keep up with all of this.

So I've been thinking a lot about natural cold and flu treatments and prevention measures. Both of my guys have been prescribed antibiotics for their sinus infections, but when it comes to easing the cold and flu symptoms we need to fall back on old favorites, and a few new ones.

Traditional Medicinals Tea: Organic Throat Coat and Breathe Easy
Even the tea skeptics agree with me on these choices, and I have converted quite a few with these two teas. Organic Throat Coat blends licorice root, slippery elm and other organic supplements to create a tasty and really effective cough reliever. While the taste isn't for everyone - it has a distinct black licorice note to it - it is much better than sucking on sugary menthol cough drops. Breathe Easy is a little spicier and promotes respiratory health. When I'm in the heart of a good cold, I turn to Throat Coat, but when I'm just beginning to feel the symptoms, Breathe Easy is my go-to tea. I find these at my local grocery store chain.

Ricola Cough Drops: Green Tea with Echinacea.
As fabulous as that tea is, sometimes you just need the fast relief of a cough drop. In those cases, I've been turning to Ricola because they actually taste pretty good, and they are just as effective as terrible tasting Halls cough drops. This week Jack's doctor recommeded a particular flavor - green tea with echinacea - as something to take at the start of cold symptoms to fight the cold as well as once a cough has settled in. So far, I love the recommendation.

Steam, or better yet, Vicks Vaporizer Steam.
We've always turned to a hot shower for cold, cough and sinus relief. For very young babies, it is one of the few options available to help ease respiratory ailments. When Jack was tiny, I'd set up his little swing in the bathroom, close the door, and run the shower hot so he could take in the steam. Between the sound of the running water, the movement of the swing, and the relief from the steam, it usually put him to sleep.

Just today we decided to take the steam a step further by purchasing a Vicks Vaporizer. Within minutes of setting it up, my husband felt the first sinus relief he's had in days. For under twenty bucks, this was a great buy and one that we will no doubt rely on whenever the flu is in our house.

Chicken Soup.
Few things are as cliche as chicken soup for a cold, but there's no doubting that this comfort food provides a whole lot of relief for not a lot of effort. While a can of Campbells will do just fine, if you want to avoid the some of the sodium, just add some cubed chicken breasts into some chicken broth, cut up a few carrots and some celery, add wide egg noodles, and you have some pretty fabulous soup.

Sleep, or at least, rest.
Telling a sick parent with a sick child to rest is pretty futile, but the bottom line is that rest is what is going give your body the break it needs to fight off what ails you. Even when other things are pressing, getting enough rest has to be made a priority. Housework can wait. Laundry can wait. Sometimes, work can even wait. Think back to the adage of those first months with your newborn: sleep when the baby sleeps. Your body will thank you, and the dirty dishes won't go anywhere without you anyway.

An ounce of prevention.
Not getting a cold in the first place is far better than treating cold symptoms, so prevention is always the best when possible. Simple things like hand washing go a long way. Be conscious of what you touch in public places, and what you touch afterward. Ever touch a doorknob and then later touch your face? You have, and now that you are thinking about it, maybe you'll be more aware of it the next time you are out. You never know whether the person who pushed that grocery cart before you had it just washed her hands, or whether she just sneezed without a tissue. I'm no germaphobe, but even little precautions like this can go a long way to keeping that cold out of your house.

Stay well, readers. I have a sick baby to cuddle, some chicken soup to prepare, and maybe even a nap in my future.

A Wake-up Story

2011-01-26T15:27:00.000-06:00

I blog first and foremost because I love to write, but that doesn't mean that I'm never at a loss for words. I can't always adequately explain why I do what I do - the canning, the homemade baby food, the cloth diapers. It is a lot of work, and I'm not a gal that has a lot of leisure time to begin with. But those things are so very, very important to me, to my family, for reasons that I'm not always that articulate about.

Fortunately, I don't always have to do the talking.

Watch this video.

If you are impressed by what you see there, do visit their website at
http://awakeupstory.healthychild.org/ and learn more about this organization. Their Facebook page is particularly impressive, with readers sharing their ideas and knowledge. If you've been sensing a theme in my recent posts, I assure you that between the fake blueberries, the other-than-meat taco meat and the antibiotic-ridden honey, I'm really finding more and more reasons to be concerned about what we put in and around our bodies, and I when I can find such a goldmine of ideas and alternatives I'm glad to share them.

Green Mama Blog Hop

2011-01-26T09:04:00.003-06:00

I'm pleased to say that I'm participating in the Green Mama Blog Hop this week. If you like reading more about green living for your family, check the blog hop and find some new great sites. Check them out below!

Wordless Wednesday: Man's Best Friend.

2011-01-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

J.D. "Here Comes the Judge." Rest in Peace, dogman. Thanks for keeping an eye on my mom for the last few years. You were a great companion for her, and you will be very missed.

Thank you, Taco Bell, for making my resolution easier.

2011-01-25T21:30:00.003-06:00

As 2010 grew to a close I made a list of eleven things I wanted to do in 2011, and one of those was to avoid fast food for the whole year. I didn't think it would be difficult as we never really ate much fast food, but it is nice when the universe comes together and makes an easy task that much easier.

Thank you, Taco Bell. The news today reported that a lawsuit has been filed against the restaurant chain alleging that less than half of the "taco meat filling" in their beef tacos is actually beef.

Gross. But I'm not shocked. Have you ever looked at their "taco meat filling?" It doesn't look, smell or feel like meat - apparently for good reason.

Let me share a story. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to skip this paragraph. When I was in high school in the 1990s, the local Taco Bell was the victim of a pretty scandalous allegation that one of its employees had defecated into the taco meat mix, causing a number of customers to get sick. I don't believe that was anything more than a disgusting rumor, but the damage was done. The restaurant's reputation took a huge hit. I was more troubled by the fact that, true or not, people had no problem believing that someone wouldn't notice an amount of poo in their dinner. "Shit? Or taco meat?" shouldn't be a tough game to play.

So yes, I am banging the healthy eating drum once again this year. I am really becoming a believer in the idea that we as a nation are making ourselves horribly unhealthy because we are eating so much trash. Between this story, the article on "honey laundering," and everything I've been reading on high fructose corn syrup, I have really spent a lot of time reevaluating my family's eating habits and I'm really happy with the changes we've made. We're making 2011 the year of healthy eating, even if it means we work a little harder for our food, meals take longer to prepare, and we miss out on a little convenience now and again. I think we'll thank ourselves for those little sacrifices.

And, a P.S.! Right after I published this blog, I finally got around to reading about the blueberry scandal. Nothing is safe.

Couponmania

2011-01-10T21:49:00.000-06:00

I'm afraid I'm becoming one of "them."

On Sunday I realized that I happened to have a coupon relevant to my grocery list: 50 cents off of a dozen eggs. I shoved it into my pocket, fully expecting to forget all about it by the time I got to Target later that day. Much to my surprise, I remembered both the eggs and the coupon, and as I reviewed my receipt, I realized that I got a dozen eggs for just 47 cents, thanks to my coupon.

47 cents. That's freakin' amazing. The power of coupons!

Some of my Facebook friends have recounted their couponing adventure. They exchange lists and graphs and flowcharts, and bust out their coupon quadratic equations and slide rules to review the Sunday paper. It is intimidating, yet intriguing.

Apparently there's a whole world of couponers out there. I had no idea. There is an incredible number of websites, mailing lists, and books dedicated to the art and science of couponing. Everybody's doing it, baby.

I don't need another hobby, right? Right? Even if it is one that saves us some money?

I think I'll take a pass on this one and just watch the coupon madness from the sidelines.

But Target did give me another coupon for fifty cents off a dozen eggs, so we'll see. We'll see.

Five State Parks for 2011

2011-01-09T08:27:00.000-06:00

I must be thinking spring because I've had state parks, state trails, and hiking on my mind all week. In my 11 for 2011 post I mentioned my love of the Wisconsin State Park system. Aside from the famously picturesque parks of Northern California (which I hope to see this summer) I think this State may have some of the greatest parks in the nation. One of my goals for 2011 is to visit five state parks that I've never been to before. My choices:

Aztalan State Park - This park is archeologically significant as it was the home of a native American civilization, sometime before the year 1200. In fact, there are pretty strong rumors that there is some significant paranormal activity there. This is so close to home that there's no excuse not to see it.

Kohler-Andrae State Park - Said to be among our most beautiful parks, I can't believe this is one I have never visited. Kohler-Andrae is right on Lake Michigan, so we have all of the amenities of the lake, plus miles of hiking trails and a nature trail. I'm told that this park also has a great area for sledding, so this may be a winter trip for us. Again, it is too close to home for us to miss out.

Richard Bong State Recreation Area - Yes, the photo of a road sign that says "Bong Recreation Area" isn't a Photoshop - we really have one. Richard Bong was a renowned wartime pilot, and the park area was actually originally intended to be an airstrip, but the project was abandoned at the very last minute. While this park offers typical activities like hiking, biking and snowshoeing, it also offers an area for flying model planes, rockets, hang gliders and hot air balloons.

Devil's Lake State Park. Whenever we are in the Wisconsin Dells, we opt for Mirror Lake State Park for its beautiful hiking trails and great canoeing, but Devil's Lake is also nearby and has much to offer. Devil's Lake is also a popular site for rock climbers, and someday I want to be able to give that a try.

Big Foot Beach State Park. I have been to this one, just once before: Big Foot Beach was the site of my very first 5K run, but I was the only one in the family who really got to enjoy the beautiful hiking trail. Big Foot Beach has so much to offer: amazing trails, a beautiful beach on gorgeous Lake Geneva. This is definitely a day trip for the family this year.

Is this where bullies come from?

2011-01-02T19:29:00.001-06:00

A few months ago, bullying was big in the news. Now that we are worrying about bigger things like football and the weather, we aren't seeing as many sensational stories about bullying but obviously the problem continues. Whenever I read about some of the horrible things that bullies have done, I wondered if their parents realized how their children behaved.

Apparently, some do. And apparently, some encourage it.

I read a really heartbreaking blog entry from one of my favorite bloggers entitled Fat Ladies Eat Small Children. A little background on the blogger: She is one of those incredibly gorgeous women who really turns heads. Gorgeous long dark hair, an incredible smile. And, she is overweight. She has talked extensively on her blog about weight loss, and by eating healthy she lost a great deal of weight this year before she became pregnant.

Her blog entry recounts her recent experience at a store where a small girl and her brother were ducking down in their shopping cart so that "the fat lady won't eat them." In her own words:

I was mortified as they pointed and squealed in their high voices: "there she goes, that was close but she might eat us next time" as I pass their cart.

I was shaking and as the tears started to fall and I purposefully went the opposite direction, I could hear that little high voice "Where did the fat lady go Mom?" And the mother replied? "I don't know, I'm sure you will see her again." "Will she eat us mom?" "She might."

My heart goes out to her, especially with all of the work that she has done to lose weight. Overhearing something like that would have torn me right down to my soul.

The children didn't know better. At that age - she estimates the girl was about three - kids don't have a real grasp on politeness, or whispering, and they certainly don't understand that weight issues aren't something to poke fun at. But the mom had a wonderful teaching opportunity that she failed to take advantage of, and she even went so far as to join in with her own jab. That makes me angry. Livid.

What those kids learned that day is that it is okay to make fun of someone's weight. They learned that it is alright to poke fun of someone who looks different from them. And they learned that mom will join right in.

Is this where bullies come from?

2010 - a year in review

2010-12-31T17:49:00.002-06:00

I wanted to write a post about our family's most memorable moments of 2010, but how do you do that when 2010 marked your first child's first year of life? Every day is filled with all kinds of memories. There's just no way to really capture it all in a single blog post, but I'll try.

Best Family Moment
Let's get this one out of the way because it is the hardest. There were so many great moments as a new family of three. When I think of our best moments I think of our Christmastime stay in the hospital with newborn Jack, I think of Jack's first smile, and I think of the pure, giddy joy we felt when we watched Jack take his first steps. But overall I think that my favorite moments came on our hiking trip at Mirror Lake. Seeing Jack so excited about being out in nature - touching the rocks and the leaves and just being so inquisitive about everything really gave me a glimpse into what our great adventure with him will be as he grows up.

Best Moment with Friends
When Jack was just a few weeks old, a huge group of our friends gathered for a long dinner at the now-defunct Claim Jumper restaurant. We had such a fun time. A close second place goes to our outing to the Milwaukee Public Museum with dinner at Buca's afterward. In 2011, I resolve that we will spend more time with our amazing friends.

Best Vacation
Our trip to California in May was amazing. Dan's mother met Jack, her first and only grandbaby, for the first time - how can you top that? And taking Jack to Knott's Berry Farm was just the icing on the cake. It was a wonderful vacation.

Best Purchase
Our PT Cruiser, the replacement for my beautiful lost Mustang, was our best purchase. Don't be fooled by this car - as a convertible it turns heads in the summer - at least as much as the Mustang did - and so far it handles the winter roads beautifully. It was definitely a wise buy and I'm so grateful that we have it.

Best New Hobby/Interest
For me, obviously it is my newfound love of running. I can't overstate how much running has changed my life, and I look forward to more races, more long runs, and hopefully a little more speed in the new year.

What I'm looking forward to most in 2011
Our family road trip in May is the biggest thing I'm excited about. The planning is proving to be so much fun, if the trip itself is just as fun it will be a total winner. On a personal level, I look forward to challenging myself by running a 10K this summer and a half marathon by fall.

2010 was great, but I have a feeling that 2011 is going to be amazing. Happy New Year everyone!

Clean Eating - What is it, and why do we need it? (And, a great coupon deal too!)

2010-12-30T08:10:00.001-06:00

While clean eating is often categorized as a "diet" program, I think it is better defined as an eating lifestyle. Using the word "diet" implies that weight loss is the desired goal, and that just isn't necessarily true. Clean eating, generally, means choosing whole foods over processed. It means whole grains, lean proteins, fruits and vegetables. Savory, good foods that haven't been saturated with unhealthy chemicals and preservatives. Many people who follow clean eating guidelines like to have several small meals a day instead of three larger meals, although that's just one of many options for living a clean eating lifestyle.

So why do we need clean eating? If my post about high fructose corn syrup wasn't enough to get you reading your food labels, let me share this gem from Yahoo this morning. (Warning: if you are currently eating a fast food burger, or would really like to enjoy one in the near future, just do yourself a favor and skip this. I'm pretty sure this segment has put me off of fast food forever).

Although it was labeled a weight loss article, The Truth About Weight Gain is more like a food horror show. The most appalling part about it was the truth about fast food burgers.

Are you ready? Take a deep breath and steel your stomach. Straight from the article:

Most fast-food hamburger patties begin their voyage to your buns in the hands of a company called Beef Products. The company specializes in taking slaughterhouse trimmings—heads and hooves and the like—that are traditionally used only in pet food and cooking oil, and turning them into patties. The challenge is getting this byproduct meat clean enough for human consumption, as both E. coli and salmonella like to concentrate themselves in the fatty deposits.

The company has developed a process for killing beef-based pathogens by forcing the ground meat through pipes and exposing it to ammonia gas—the same chemical you might use to clean your bathroom. Not only has the USDA approved the process, but it's also allowed those who sell the beef to keep it hidden from their customers. At Beef Products’ behest, ammonia gas has been deemed a “processing agent” that need not be identified on nutrition labels. Never mind that if ammonia gets on your skin, it can cause severe burning, and if it gets in your eyes, it can blind you. Add to the gross-out factor the fact that after moving through this lengthy industrial process, a single beef patty can consist of cobbled-together pieces from different cows from all over the world—a practice that only increases the odds of contamination.

Remember my resolution about no fast food in 2011? Pretty sure that will be a breeze after reading that. Ladies and gentlemen, this has to be why, as a nation, we are so damn unhealthy, doesn't it?

Back to clean eating. Reading things like that just affirms to me my resolution to eat more whole foods, to scour our labels and to know where our food comes from. I owe that much to my family. Eating locally, shopping at farmers markets, gardening - all of these are basic steps towards clean eating. Healthy eating.

And now, my coupon for you. For a limited time, Tanga is offering Clean Eating magazine at a huge discount - a one year subscription for just $5.99, no strings attached. Just use the coupon code "EAT" at the checkout. (It initially shows up as a discounted price of $24.99 - entering the coupon code will reduce the price by $19.00).

Click here to go directly to the deal, while it lasts. As of this writing, Clean Eating is already in the "second chance" section of the website, so it won't be long before the deal is no longer available.

The Toddler and Eating Healthy

2010-12-27T11:51:00.001-06:00

Have you heard? We now have a TODDLER. Not only did Jack decide to turn a whole year old last week, but he has decided that because now he's a big boy, he's going to walk.

For me, this means not it is time to revisit his diet.

I loved making his baby food back when purees were sufficient, and he still occasionally has some veggies and meats pureed because it seems to be a better way to introduce him to new flavors (we grownup types easily forget that our little ones are experiencing not just the tastes of new foods but also their textures for the first time). For the most part though, Jack has transitioned to eating what mom and dad eat, just in smaller bites. He needs more than just three meals a day though. He needs healthy snacks as well. We've bought him some of the toddler finger foods - organic fruit flavored cereal Os - but he needs more than that. And he deserves to eat food that comes from someplace other than a box on Target's shelf. He needs fruits and veggies and meats and grains.

Remember Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution - when the elementary school children couldn't recognize tomatoes or cauliflower, but they sure knew their McNuggets and ketchup? Horrifying. It was that show that inspired me to reevaluate what I eat on a daily basis.

And that show alone was enough reason for me to find some wholesome snacks for my little boy. In my searching, I found a fantastic website with some great nutritional recipes for toddler meals and snacks, including some that can be premade and frozen. Wholesome Toddler Foods is my new go-to site for cooking for Jack. I love some of their recipes - veggie pancakes, stuffed apples, stuffed pitas - all great ideas, reduced to toddler-sized portions.

Plus, I can't lie: I was sold at their definition of "toddler:"

A child who is between the age of 12 months and 48 months old (1 year and 4 years old)

One who loves to eat food one day and then dislikes that very same food the next day

One who requires a lot of clean laundry, tidying-up after, and lots of attention, and constant amusement and stimulation

One who is methodical and focused in his or her attempts at launching a spoonful of mashed potatoes as easily as a robotic arm assembles a car!

One who's innocence and wonder inspires us to do better

One who possesses an abundance of love to share

One who is unconditional in the giving, and delightful in the receiving of that love, along with showering hugs, kisses and smiles to those around him or her; a true joy and a true blessing to treasure

Yeah, I have a toddler. He's all of those things. And he's going to know his tomatoes from his carrots, and hopefully he'll like them all, because he deserves that.

One year. One beautiful, beautiful year.

2010-12-24T07:32:00.000-06:00

A year ago today, it was snowing hard. I was in the hospital, admitted the night before. Our brand new Jeep was the only vehicle making it easily up the steep hill to Waukesha Memorial. The on-call doctor had told us to come in and see if it was time for Jack to make his appearance. I wanted to go to Denny's first, but my husband insisted that we just trek through the snow and get to the doctor.

We should have gone to Denny's first. They don't let you eat anything once they admit you. Lunch was long ago, and I was starving.

The night was hard, and when morning finally came my husband had to leave to make sure the snow was plowed from the driveway and the front walk. I wasn't going anywhere - I was in a lot of pain from the pitocin but we were a long way from seeing our baby. When he came back he said he stopped at our favorite diner for breakfast. Everyone there had wished us luck, and the cook prepared his order ahead of everyone else waiting for their meals because he knew my husband was in a special kind of a hurry.

We had bought the movie White Christmas and brought it to the hospital to watch, but one station was running a marathon of it all day, so we had our movie on replay. I felt like I was going to be there forever, as each nurse reported such little progress. Dan said Jack would be born in time for lunch. It was 10:00 a.m. I was highly doubtful.

It was my turn to be wrong. Jack was born at 11:20 a.m. on Christmas Eve day. Everyone marveled at his beautiful dark hair. We marveled at everything about him.

We spent our first Christmas as a family of three in the hospital, with no visitors because of the bad weather. We watched A Christmas Story and ate the surprisingly delicious hospital food and enjoyed our little boy. It was the best Christmas ever.

And since then? Every day is better than the one before it.

Happy First Birthday, Jack Donovan.

High Fructose Corn Syrup

2010-12-21T16:17:00.000-06:00

For awhile now I have been troubled by those ads from the Corn Refiners Association regarding High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). You know the ads - the ones that make you feel like an idiot if you question the inclusion of HFCS in the foods you and your family eats.

Without knowing anything about the HFCS debate, my initial reaction was: if this stuff is so safe, why do we need these ads? Shouldn't the research speak for itself? And why do they qualify their position by saying that it is "safe in moderation"?

Even if HFCS is safe in moderation, that's the problem in itself: how do you moderate something that is in nearly everything that we eat? I expected to find HFCS in sodas and sweets, but I wouldn't have guessed that it would be lurking in ketchup, Stove-Top Stuffing, bread and cottage cheese. Read the labels - it is everywhere.

A friend shared this great, succinct article on HFCS, and it is worth a read. The link between HFCS and obesity is particularly disturbing. For those who won't click the link, if all you read is the following excerpt, you should be convinced: The syrup interferes with the body's metabolism so that a person can't stop eating. It's truly hard to control cravings because high fructose corn syrup slows down the secretion of leptin in the body. Leptin is a crucial hormone in the body that tells you that you're full and to stop eating.

After seeing that article, I'm inclined to stay away from HFCS altogether. But how do you avoid something that's everywhere?

1. Read the labels. Certified organic foods are great alternatives. Look for the organic label (but be wary of the word "natural." The FDA has strict guidelines for what can be called organic, but that's not true for foods labeled "natural").

2. Grow your own. Instead of buying a bottle of ketchup, try making your own. Making and canning various foods and condiments can be a lot of fun, and if you have young children you can turn the whole experience into an educational opportunity. The best part about making your own food is that you can customize it to your tastes - have a little fun with some herbs and spices and see what you can create.

3. Get creative in looking for alternatives. If you can't live without your soda, try shopping at an ethnic grocery store: many sodas from Mexico still use sugar instead of HFCS. Similarly, groceries that carry separate items for Passover may sell sodas without corn syrup. Coca-cola kosher for Passover has a yellow cap marked with an OU-P.

Even the best laid plans can fall prey to the economy.

2010-12-15T08:23:00.002-06:00

Jack's first birthday is right around the corner. We had a low-key affair planned: some family and friends would gather at Claim Jumper for a nice dinner, and Jack could enjoy smashing one of their delicious cupcakes as we sang Happy Birthday to him. Claim Jumper was the perfect restaurant for the occasion: we don't eat there too often, but the food is always delicious, and best of all, they were open on Jack's Birthday, which falls on Christmas Eve. Our reservations were set for 6p.m.

Then yesterday I saw some disturbing news. I am a "fan" of Claim Jumper on Facebook, and they had updated with a message about store closings. I saw that two locations in California had been closed, and I worried that ours may be on the chopping block too, as Claim Jumper is currently in a Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. I scoured our local newspaper for some information, and found precious little about our local restaurant, so I asked my Facebook friends for more information.

Our Claim Jumper closed on December 13, 2010, the week before Jack's birthday (and, because every injury needs a little insult, on our anniversary, too!).

I have a few layers of upset going on here.

First, we had reservations. We were having out of town family and friends come in. And we never got a call about the restaurant closing. I found out only through research based on a Facebook post. I'm lucky to have found out at all. I imagine an awful lot of people who also have reservations for various days weren't so fortunate.

Second, that's a lot of people put out of work the week before Christmas. Shame on whatever powers-that-be that decided they couldn't make this work until the new year. I can't imagine that a restaurant who regularly had long waiting lines for dinner was hemorrhaging money.

Third, since before Thanksgiving, Claim Jumper has been advertising that they are open on Christmas and Christmas Eve, and it offered special menus of food for the holidays, encouraging families to spend their holiday at Claim Jumper. I bet a lot of people are going to be very disappointed when they show up on Christmas for a delicious meal to find a closed restaurant and no explanation.

Finally, it seems like every other restaurant on God's green earth closes at 4p.m. or earlier on Christmas Eve. It was beginning to look like we'd be eating Chinese food or visiting a deli for Jack's first birthday. The thought made me want to cry.

Fortunately, my husband found that one of our local favorites is open on Christmas Eve, and would be happy to accommodate our little party. It wasn't what I had imagined - Claim Jumper has a lot of good memories and significance for our little family - but it will be just fine.

I wish I could say the same for the Claim Jumper employees who find themselves out of a job right before the holidays.

A Senseless Death and Sadness.

2010-12-09T11:08:00.000-06:00

I was perusing Facebook on Saturday when I saw that a former high school classmate of mine, Tony, was distressed over the loss of a family member. While I don't really know Tony or his family, my entire high school class connects regularly on Facebook, so I was concerned and began reading further.

I learned that his seven year old son had been killed in a snowmobile accident that day. His son was on the neighbor's snowmobile and accidentally grabbed the throttle. The neighbor tried to hit the brakes to stop, and the machine flipped and ran over the boy. A terrible, tragic accident.

I can't imagine what his family is going through. I don't want to imagine it, but I can't stop thinking about them. This little boy was obviously the world to them. Brendan was his daddy's little shadow - he even sat on the bench when his father coached games at the high school. Tony's Facebook page is full of photos of his son playing football, loving his family, and just generally being a sweet little boy and his parents' pride and joy. And he leaves behind a sweet, adorable little brother too. I can just imagine the two boys, so inseparable, and now the one is alone and confused. Right before Christmas. How can Christmas ever be the same? I cannot imagine the agony in their hearts.

One day, everything is normal. Work brings some frustrations, some jerk cuts you off on the freeway and puts you in a bad mood, the electric bill is higher than you expected, and the world seems like it is working against you. But you never know how much you have until you lose a big part of it. It makes those little things seem so foolish, so trivial, so ridiculous.

Brendan's funeral is today. His father's Facebook updates have been absolutely heart-wrenching, and I've cried with every one.

That's the thing about these senseless tragedies: we relate to them. We realize that, there but for the grace of God do we go. There's no one to blame here, and while there is plenty of second guessing by the family - all of those horrible, soul-crushing "what ifs" - this is one of those things that could happen to anyone, be it with a snowmobile, a car, or just walking down the sidewalk. Accidents happen, and sometimes they can be tragic.

I hope that someday that family will find some peace.

I need to go hug Jack.

So to answer a Jack FAQ...

2010-12-05T17:38:00.001-06:00

No, he isn't always smiles and happiness.

Sometimes, we have faces like these:

But usually he's happy. His meltdown moments are rare so I was glad to have the camera today to capture these shots for the "show to future girlfriends" file.

11 for 2011

2010-11-27T08:59:00.003-06:00

If the Christmas decorations can come out at Target before Halloween is over, then the end of November isn't too early for me to start setting out my personal goals for 2011. I think 11 for 2011 is a good start. Here is my list - what's on your list? What do you want to do, change, accomplish, learn or appreciate in the coming year?

1. Ultimate Road Trip!
A late night discussion with my husband regarding the new TSA invasive searches led to a proclamation that we were not going to fly for our next vacation, which led to a full blown road trip plan. We're going to take about 11 days in May to go West. We're going to see state parks and national monuments. We're going to stop when we feel like it, and stay wherever we decide. Some nights we'll camp, some nights we'll stay in motels, and some nights we may just keep driving. I have high hopes that the road trip will become a yearly family tradition.

2. No Fast Food. Except ice cream. And coffee.
Even though I'm not a huge fast food eater, this is a pretty big one. 2011 is going to be my year of no fast food at all. No McDonald's fries, no Arby's roast beef, not even a little Culver's butter burger. (But no one, no one is taking away my frozen custard or McD's coffee. Not this year, at least.)

3. I'm going to be less of a consumer.
I buy too much stuff. I have a house full of stuff that I don't need, stuff that just sits there and gets looked at on occasion and provides hiding spaces for the dust bunnies. There's not much in the world that I do need, and what I need I already have. I'm going to put an end to my $100.00 trips to Target and my spur of the moment eBay buys. My life is full; I do not need more stuff.

4. That canoe is hitting the water, baby.
We bought a beautiful, beautiful canoe and I'll be damned if we're going to be one of those families whose canoes hang in the garage and see no action. Our big red is going to see the Dells with us, and we are going to have a great time.

Yes, that's a Leinenkugel's canoe. Everything in Wisconsin really is beer-related.

5. I'm joining a book club.
Okay, so this one isn't quite as adventurous as some, but I've wanted to be in a book club for awhile now so I joined one with my women lawyers group. I read a lot on my own, but I tend to stick to nonfiction, so it is time to branch out. I'm really looking forward to getting into our first read.

6. 13.1, baby! The Half Marathon
If you had said to my 2009 self that I'd be talking about a half marathon in 2011, my 2009 self would have laughed really hard and choked on a donut. But my late 2010 self can see it in my future, and I want to start making strides towards that goal. I can do it. I've come so far with my fitness since August and I have no intention of stopping now. I have a half marathon in my sights at the end of October.

7. Camping, camping, camping. And when we're done, more camping.
I love camping. I love the packing, the planning, the driving. I love setting up camp. I love exploring our campground and mastering the campfire. I love tucking into my sleeping bag and falling asleep hard because my day has been so full of the outdoors. And now that Jack is a little bigger, I can see doing much more camping this year.

8. I want to climb a big, fake rock.
I'd really like to try my hand at rock climbing, but I realize that's probably a pretty lofty goal. Instead, I want to try rock climbing at one of those indoor rock climbing arenas. There is one just a few miles from our house, and since you can try faux-rock climbing with a minimal time and financial investment, I'm going to have to settle for this right now. It is definitely on my list for 2011.

9. I want to visit five state parks I've never seen before.
Ask me how fantastic our state park system is, and I could talk for an hour. I have early memories of my mom trekking us to various state parks to buy our annual park pass so we could picnic, hike, swim, and just enjoy nature on a moment's notice. I tend to stick to just two parks in particular, but Wisconsin has 66 state parks, and the least I can do is check out some of the others. My list for this year is going to be the subject of a future blog entry.

10. I'm going to become a better cook.
My 2007 self would never have believed that my 2010 self loved to cook. This year I've tried so many new things, some awesome and some awful, but nothing is gained if nothing is ventured, so I want to keep trying new things. And I want a lot of what we eat to come right from our garden again. I like knowing that our food is pesticide free, grown efficiently and in an earth-friendly way. 2011 is going to be the year of much home cooking, and much bounty from the garden.

11. I'm going to be sure to tell the people I love that I love them, every day.
Or maybe even more. Warren Zevon advised us that we should enjoy every sandwich, and I think the man was absolutely right. The only given in life is that the moments we are experiencing right now will be gone tomorrow. I'm not going to let the little things bother me because they are just that: little. Instead, I'm going to focus on what is important - the people I love. Every day I am going to let them know how much they mean to me. Extra cuddles for Jack. Extra kisses for Dan. Extra calls to my Mom. Extra emails to my sister. All of that.

Guys? I'm excited for 2011. It is going to be a great year.

Prayers, prayers, prayers. And more prayers.

2010-11-22T12:35:00.001-06:00

When I logged on to my Twitter account this morning, I saw the feed filled with requests for thoughts and prayers for one of my favorite bloggers, Jenny of What the Blog? After struggling with and blogging about infertility, Jenny became pregnant. With triplets. Clearly, she wasn't going to have an easy pregnancy, and she certainly had her share of scares right from the beginning. Today's Twitter messages had a lot more urgency, though: her water had broken and the triplets were being delivered today, at 28 weeks gestation (triplets are considered "full term" at 32 weeks). A few hours went by, and then finally a triumphant update: "Happy birthday to Tobias, Eleanor & Callista!" and later, "We have 3 beautiful babies with dark hair & good grips. They all squeezed my finger."

Thank you, God. Obviously, they aren't out of the woods yet and the journey before them is filled with a lot of uncertainty. But right now, things look good. Prayers, prayers, prayers for those three tiny babies.

And later this morning, another Mom-blogger had an announcement. Sam's mom announced that Sam was cleared for admission for his first stem cell transplant. His hospitalization will last from four to six weeks, and he'll be undergoing chemotherapy, transfusions, and all kinds of other things that no little boy should even know about, much less endure. His first birthday will be spent in the hospital. His mom's perspective on it all is beautiful: while Sam may not feel up to opening gifts or having cake, this treatment will allow him to have many, many more birthdays. Healthy birthdays. God bless you, Sartin family. I don't think you have any idea how inspiring you all are. We're praying for you too.

Now excuse me, I need to go hug my little boy. Moms, dads, feel free to take a moment to hug your kids too. Whatever else you are doing now will wait for you to come back.

Wordless Wednesday: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

2010-11-17T08:30:00.000-06:00

I know a secret!


Mama let me out in the snow with NO SHOES!

Whee! I'm barefoot!

My Couch to 5K Program Update

2010-11-16T08:39:00.000-06:00

Back in August I announced my plan to start the Couch to 5K running program, which is a program designed to help the non-runner get active and get running. I had my doubts about my ability and desire to stick with the program, but by posting about it on my blog I thought maybe that would give me some accountability.

I no longer hate these.

I'm pleased to say that I am now a Couch to 5K graduate. I ran 5K (3.1 miles) last week, and I didn't want to die when I was done. I wanted to stop running and get a shower, but I felt good. Good. I'm signed up for my first actual 5K run this Saturday and I couldn't be more excited. After I have a few solid weeks of consistent 5K runs under my belt, I'm going to begin the Bridge to 10K program. I never would have guessed that I'd fall this hard for something like running.

And the very best part? I figured with all of the work I've been doing, I'd be losing some weight. Apparently not - I'm still the same weight today as I was in August. But today I slipped on a pair of pants I haven't worn in over 2 years. When I tried them on in August, they didn't get past my hips. Today, they are comfy. That alone has made every minute on that treadmill worth the effort.

More reasons that Jack will grow to hate mommy.

2010-11-11T08:29:00.000-06:00

Exhibit A: The headband.

Before child protective services gets called, please know that we don't take him out of the house in my sparkly teal Richard Simmons headband. It was purely for fun at the house. But he sure does look happy in it...perhaps there are some legwarmers in his future? (Hey, if my son wants to be a rich, famous, and ridiculously sweet workout guru someday, I won't be holding him back).

Jack, you look fabulous honey. Embrace it!

Exhibit B: The elf outfit.

That's right. The holidays are coming, and little man needed an outfit for the occasion. Friends and family, you will be seeing this gracing our holiday cards this year no doubt. Hee.

It really is a darling outfit. If Awkward Family Photos still exists twenty years from now, expect to see Jack's photo there.

So, Jenn, how was your vacation?

2010-11-09T10:58:00.001-06:00

Last week, our little family packed up and visited family in Southern California for a whole week. We planned lots of fun in the sun, some quality family time, a little shopping, and even a trip to Knott's Berry Farm.

And then Monday happened. The night before we were to leave, I got very, very sick. Like, projectile vomiting sick. I don't actually know how I made it home from work, but I do remember staggering into the house and crawling into bed. But I was determined to be okay so we could get on the plane at 7:30 the next morning.

And we did.

How did that go? Imagine spending the night sick, shivering and vomiting, wishing for either death or sleep but finding neither. Then imagine getting up at 5:00 the next morning, gripped with the aches and pains of a particularly bad flu but also the soreness of no sleep, only to have to to finish packing, getting your ten month old baby ready for the trip, and hauling yourself to the airport. Imagine carting said infant through the airport while heavily laden with a diaper bag backpack which you know only weighs a few pounds but in your illness-altered state feels like it contains a piano, a few anvils and the Tokyo sumo team. Then imagine a four hour plane ride with said infant, hyper, excited, and on your lap. Four hours is a long time to repeat the phrase "I won't throw up, I won't throw up" over and over again in your head. And then, just as a little coup de grâce, imagine your delightful little infant having a particularly explosive and leaky poo on the plane, which poo managed to not only coat the baby, but even managed to find its way onto your nice new pair of jeans. Awesome.

Clearly, I was being punished for something huge on a karmic level. That was the most miserable day in recent memory. I wouldn't wish that sickness on anyone, except that apparently I didn't have a choice in the matter: As I recovered from the barfing death flu, my husband got sick. And then his mom got sick. And before long, the entire extended family and even our host was sick. I'm so sorry, guys. I bet you won't want to see us again for awhile.

By Friday we were all well, just in time to end our vacation and come home.

So, how was our vacation? I don't want to talk about it.

Recalls, recalls, recalls.

2010-10-27T09:07:00.000-05:00

Either this has been a record year for baby product recalls, or I simply never paid attention to these recalls before Jack was born. Since December, we have been through stroller recalls (amputation risk), crib recalls (entrapment/injury risk), OTC baby cold and cough medicine recalls (quality control issues), toy and high chair recalls (general injury issues), baby sling recalls (suffocation risks), formula recalls (bug parts - gah!) and now teething tablet recalls (quality control issues).

Before Jack was born, I knew that having a baby was going to be a lot of work. Parents are more than happy to tell an aching, exhausted, swollen and sore pregnant woman that she should enjoy her rest and relaxation now before the baby comes because once he's born, the eighteen-year rollercoaster of horror really begins. (Note to parents: don't do this to pregnant women. It's just mean. We all know that when you have a watermelon-sized baby kickboxing your bladder, you really aren't resting, relaxing, or doing anything other than trying to make it through the day without falling down or peeing yourself. Let the poor mom-to-be have her delusions). Parents were happy to tell me all about the crazy, sleepless nights of the newborn stage. They shared stories of teething nightmares (as an aside, Jack is working on two more teeth on the top. For those keeping score at home, that will be six top teeth and two bottom teeth - he's going to be one funny looking Jack O'Lantern if the bottom teeth don't catch up soon). They told tales of inopportune diaper blowouts and public toddler meltdowns. New parents, seasoned veterans, and everyone in between were all lining up to regale pregnant me with all of these things which make you realize that whether you believe in God or evolution or something in between, there's a reason that babies so darn cute.

But nobody warned me that I'd have to second-guess every single purchase I made. No one suggested that the stroller that I spent hours agonizing over - researching, reading the Amazon.com reviews, taking test-drives around Babies-R-Us - could be the next finger deathtrap. It never occurred to me that what I was giving to my feverish little baby to relieve the aches and pains of his first real sickness would be subject to a vague recall that would make me wonder whether I had done more harm than good in medicating him. I would never have guessed that I'd listen to the daily news with a fervor I normally reserve for the weeks preceding an election to find out whether I have a potentially unsafe toy/drug/chair/carseat in my house.

As parents, we put our trust in a lot of other people: our pediatricians, our daycare professionals, the experts who write the parenting books that we spend hours reading and learning from. With this full year of recalls across the spectrum, it is hard to know who to trust when it comes to the items we buy for our babies. On the one hand, I want to say that I grew up with lead painted toys, undoubtedly dangerous cribs, and I think I probably had my own set of Jarts by the time I was four, and I think I turned out okay. But on the other hand, I'm Jack's mom. I want to give him the whole world and keep him from all harm.

I'd write more, but I have to go hug my baby and wrap him in bubble wrap. Thanks for reading!

The diagnosis is in.

2010-10-22T09:01:00.000-05:00

We've been noticing some changes in Jack lately. When we change his diaper or his clothes, he screams like he is being beaten with a chain. He has started to become discontent with his safe, child-friendly toys, preferring to reach for more dangerous objects like electrical cords and heavy glassware. He's become a total daredevil, and if left unsupervised I'm convinced he will begin BASE jumping off of any surface he can climb onto. And, rather disturbingly, he has begun to use his toys to stand on to reach high places where (we thought) we had safely stashed our breakables.

What has gotten into our child?

I conferred with the experts, the highest authorities on the matter: I asked other moms. And they all agreed that it could only be one thing, but it was a diagnosis I was unprepared for.

Impending Toddlerhood.

I'll give you a moment to take that in. It took us by surprise too. Wasn't he just a small, tiny newborn? Wasn't he just this snuggly little thing that fit perfectly in the crook of my arm?

Your toys are lame. I will dismantle your television now.

I've done some research on Impending Toddlerhood (or, "IT" as we call it) and IT is not a permanent condition. In all cases, it subsides with the passage of time. IT too shall pass, as they say. But in the meantime, we struggle to keep our house in order, to keep Jack safe from himself, and to keep our sanity between all of the "No, Jack!" and "Oh dear GOD, NO JACK!"s.

It gets easier though, right? Once he's a toddler I'm sure everything will be just fine.

Music is important.

2010-10-12T10:56:00.000-05:00

I have a wonderful friend who is a music teacher in a local public high school. She eats, breathes and sleeps her job, and you can tell that her students adore her. She is a whirlwind of energy, and she truly inspires. Nearly every year her school faces drastic budget cuts that threaten her program, and I hear her making a plea to the voters in her community to let their voices be heard about the importance of music education.

I'm sad that there is any question about the importance of music education. I can't imagine what my high school experience would have been without band.

In early high school, I wasn't a band geek by any means. I was second-to-last chair, mostly because playing the trumpet just didn't interest me. I never practiced, and even during band class I Just went through the motions. And then something changed (I, um, had a crush on a boy in band) and I decided I wanted to make an effort to be a better trumpet player. I practiced. I worked hard. I dedicated my study halls and even after school time to trumpet playing, and I saw the results. I began to enjoy playing, and before long I was signing up for the pit band, for the show choir band, for jazz ensemble, for all kinds of solo and ensemble performances, and even bands outside of school. I picked up a secondary instrument, the French horn. I taught myself piano. I even joined a drum and bugle corps for one season.

These experiences changed my life. They taught me things that history class, English class, math class - all important in their own rights - never could.

I learned that I could accomplish a lot if I worked hard at it. That lesson got me through four years of college and three years of law school.

I learned how to plan. Between my band obligations, Academic Decathlon, and the general requirements of school, I had a lot on my plate and a lot of scheduling conflicts to manage.

I learned that I can work very, very hard. To this day, nothing I have experienced compares to the hard work of the drum & bugle corps. No matter what challenge I face in life, I can compare it to my drum & bugle corps days and my new challenge seems like a walk in the park.

I learned that high school isn't all bad. Like many teenagers, I had a really, really hard time in high school. It wasn't the "best days of my life" as my mom had promised; it was quite the opposite. Being in band gave me a place. It gave me an identity, something that I so desperately needed.

I don't play my trumpet or my French horn anymore. I occasionally play the piano, when given the opportunity. But even though the actual music didn't endure, the lessons I learned certainly did.

Maybe it is because of all of this that Jack has a lot of musical toys. Xylophones, maracas, a tambourine, countless music boxes. Cymbals. It is no secret that I delight in the joy that he takes with exploring these toys, and I certainly plan on giving him the opportunity to pursue music education early on. And while I hope he picks up the piano, guitar, trumpet, violin, drums, whatever instrument he chooses like the next Mozart, even more than that I hope he learns all of the really important lessons that music education provides. I think he will.

Why I love our state parks

2010-10-09T23:49:00.001-05:00

I will forever be grateful to my mom for raising me to have a great appreciation of our state parks. Every spring we would go and buy our park sticker that allowed us admission to the state parks for the entire year. We usually frequented Pike Lake State Park because of its beautiful hiking trails, great playground area and nice beach, but occasionally we'd venture upstate to any one of dozens of other parks.

I'm so happy to carry on this tradition with my own family. Our Jeep proudly wears the 2010 state park sticker, and today we took advantage of our beautiful fall weather to hike around Mirror Lake State Park. We chose the perfect weekend to enjoy the fall colors.

One of the nice things about having an early riser for a baby is that we were awake, showered, breakfasted, and ready to hike long before most people were awake. We didn't see a single soul for much of our hike despite the fact that I couldn't imagine a more perfect day for hiking.

While some of the park trails are actually wheelchair accessible and would have been fine to take a baby stroller on, Dan put Jack in his harness carrier so we could explore more of the park. Jack loved it.

We definitely saw some amazing sights as we hiked. We didn't have a timetable or anywhere that we had to be, so we could just take our time and take in the beauty that surrounded us.

Can you believe this tree? Wow!

Jack had a wonderful time exploring nature in his own little way. Walks like this will be more valuable to him as he grows up and can better understand the lessons of the forest, but we made an effort to give him some good experiences. He certainly had a great time - he was whooping and flapping his arms for much of our hike.

I loved being able to get so close to these beautiful rock formations that are the signature feature of my beloved Wisconsin Dells. Someday when Jack is old enough to canoe with us we'll canoe Mirror Lake and see the rocks from the water, too. There are some amazing outcroppings that can only be appreciated completely from the lake itself.

We truly had a wonderful time. By the time we were heading back to our car, other groups were starting to make their way to the trails. Parents with children, couples, a guide-led tour. While it was nice to have the trail to ourselves for so long, it was great to see other people taking advantage of this beautiful setting.

What an amazing day.

And the winner is...

2010-10-08T12:17:00.000-05:00

First of all, thank you to everyone who found Monkey Butt Junction thanks to this giveaway! It is great to see so many new readers and to interact with you on the blog/Facebook/Twitter.

Second, a huge thank you to Inspired by Finn for sponsoring the giveaway. I just ordered this new amber necklace for Jack today and I am way, way excited about getting it:

And finally, congrats to our winner, Jessie, who posted the winning comment:

Both my girls, and most of my friends have your mulit colored necklace with small round beads. We love them. Just purchased one for my new momma friend and she is so happy. Thanks!

Jessie - you'll have an email shortly with instructions for claiming your prize! You'll have 48 hours to claim your prize, otherwise we'll draw a new winner.

Thanks to everyone who participated!

Moms and dads can be bullies too.

2010-10-07T08:57:00.001-05:00

There has been a lot of talk in the news recently about bullying. After the death of Tyler Clementi, Ellen DeGeneres released a poignant video plea for bullied kids to look for help. Bloggers have lit up the blogosphere with heartfelt stories of their own experiences as victims of bullying. Too many of us have our own stories of being afraid of what cruelty the next school day had in store for us. We as adults know that bullying hurts. We know that bullying can crush a child's spirit and damage their psyche, and in the worst cases, lead them to such despair that death becomes a welcome release. Yet the bullying continues. Bullies have moms and dads, they have peers and caregivers. They have teachers. They have someone in their lives who knows what they are doing to others, and yet for some reason these children carry on their campaigns of cruelty against others. Why?

Any question involving the "why" of the human psyche could never be answered in a textbook, much less a blog. But I do have one observation: there are an awful lot of bullies out there in the grown-up world, too.

Children learn by the examples they see. Moms and dads, take a look at yourselves: What is the example you are setting for your children?

I need to turn to another tragedy to make my point. On Wednesday, October 6, 2010, an infant boy named Joshua died. He had hypoplastic left heart syndrome, meaning that the left side of his heart was critically underdeveloped. At a few days old, Joshua underwent a circumcision - which, right or wrong, is an extremely common procedure in the United States - and he died when his heart gave out less than a day later. Joshua's mother blogged about the circumcision experience, how there was some trouble with stopping the bleeding, and that she questioned whether circumcision was the right decision. Hours later, his heart stopped beating. Despite aggressive efforts to resuscitate him, he passed. The horror of infant death is something that anyone with a shred of humanity couldn't wish upon another human being.

Yet when Joshua's mother reached out to her blog readers on the Internet, along with wave after wave of sympathy and shared sorrow, she received attacks. Horrible attacks. Sickening attacks, from self-proclaimed "intactivists" - those who strongly believe that circumcision is an unnecessary act of cruelty.

Words like these:

“My heart sure doesn't break for her. On the contrary, she got exactly what she deserved. If every baby who was mutilated died, it might put a stop to the practice. This so-called tragedy is good publicity for outlawing genital mutilation. I hope she feels guilty for the rest of her miserable life & my sympathy for her is ZERO.”

My God. I can't imagine having that sort of venom for another human being; particularly not one who is in the throes of the deepest despair and most horrific suffering imaginable. And that wasn't a rogue comment. The Twitterverse and intactivist sites were abuzz with so many more, but I don't have the stomach to reprint them here.

Is that not bullying in perhaps its most extreme form?

Moms, do you love your children so much that you won't circumcise them, but you don't love them enough to be a good example of a decent human being? Is that really your message? Is that what your children see when they look to you?

I'm not against the intactivist message at all (and I truly realize that not all intactivists are behind this type of bullying), but there is a time and a place to share a lesson, and this wasn't it. The only thing that needed to be shared with this mother is compassion and sympathy for her loss.

May Joshua's mother find peace in this dark time.

If you're happy and you know it, say "Da Da!"

2010-10-05T09:22:00.000-05:00

Jack has officially mastered two "words": Dada and Mama. Or, more realistically, dadadadadadadadada and mamamamammmmmamama. In Jack's world, each word has its own meaning, which we are just starting to fully grasp.

Dada: Dada can mean many things, but it is overall the sound of contentedness. As in, I'm such a happy baby, I'm warm and safe and secure, and playing, and gosh darnit I'm so tootin' cute. Dadadadadadadada.

Mama: Mama has its own meaning as well, and it connotes a time of great sorrow and want. As in, I'm cold and my diaper is full and I'm kind of hungry and my toes are cold because I lost a sock and the parrot just scared me and you just took away that sharp object I just found to play with and I'm tired but I certainly don't want to nap, woe is the baby. Mamamamamamamamamama.

So, as Dan is quite quick to point out: Dada = utter happiness. Mama = infinite sorrow.

Jack wearing his Dada's hat.

Oh well. My heart still turns into a puddle at that little voice, no matter what he's saying about me.

My very first blog giveaway!

2010-10-04T06:49:00.001-05:00

In honor of reaching and surpassing 100 followers on the blog, it is time for my very first blog giveaway, and I am so pleased to say that the giveaway is for one of my favorite must-have baby items: the amber necklace! Thank you to Inspired By Finn for sponsoring the giveaway!

You've seen the photos of my Jack wearing his amber necklace:

And no doubt you've heard me talk about the benefits of baltic amber. Baltic amber has natural analgesic properties, and many parents - myself included - have found that babies can benefit from wearing amber while teething. Jack has had six teeth break through and I very strongly believe that teething has not been the rough ordeal it would have been without the relief that the amber necklace brings. Plus? It is adorable. He looks darling in his necklace, and people comment on it all the time. An amber teething necklace is, in my opinion, a must-have for teething babies, and they make great gifts for new moms.

So how do you get one of your own?

You can win one this week! Inspired by Finn is offering the winner one necklace, 14" or smaller, that is in stock on their website.

To enter:

Be sure you follow my blog! Then, check out Inspired by Finn, and come back here and leave a comment telling me which necklace you'd choose if you were the winner. That comment will be your official entry.

Additional entries:

You overachievers can get some additional entries by doing the following things - each of these counts as one entry, but you must leave a separate comment on this blog for your entry to count.

1. Follow Monkey Butt Junction on Twitter - @mbjunction
2. Tweet "Enter to win an amber teething necklace from Inspired by Finn and @MBJunction! http://tinyurl.com/2uwlhhq" You can tweet this once per day for an entry throughout the duration of the contest (but remember to come back here and leave a comment so your entry can be counted!)
3. "Like" Monkey Butt Junction on Facebook
4. "Like" Inspired by Finn on Facebook

That's all you need to do to enter! We'll choose a winner on Friday, October 8, 2010.

Contest Rules: You can enter between now and 12:00 noon Central Time on Friday, October 8, 2010. The winner will be selected randomly on Friday, October 8, 2010 and notified in a new post. The winner will have 48 hours to respond and claim their prize; if the prize is not claimed within that time, a new winner will be selected. The contest is open to residents of the United States only. Good luck!

As if that isn't enough, by "liking" Inspired by Finn on Facebook, you can save money on your order with Inspired by Finn! (Although no purchase is necessary for the contest.)

To save 20%, be sure to "like" Inspired by Finn, and enter the code "FB20" when you check out on their website.
To save 25%, be sure to "like" Inspired by Finn AND use the "Suggest to Friends" link to share the site with others. Enter the code "FB25" when you check out on their website to get this discount.

I have recommended amber from Inspired by Finn since Jack was just a few months old, when this blog was brand new and long before I was thinking about blog giveaways. Thank you to Inspired by Finn for sponsoring this great contest - I can't say enough positive things about these necklaces.

You're so vain...

2010-10-01T10:39:00.001-05:00

As I'm sure you know, I think my little boy is pretty special. I think he's the cutest, sweetest, most handsome, most loving little boy a mom could ever ask for. I could spend all day just looking at him and kissing his sweet little face.

I'm not the only one who feels that way about Jack:

He seriously spent a full hour last night admiring the cute little fella in the mirror. Once again, who needs toys?

The paternity test

2010-09-30T08:17:00.000-05:00

Just in case there would ever be any doubt that these two fellas are related:


Dan with Mini-Dan

Yesterday, Jack farted and then laughed. Clearly they are father and son.

I ran a mile and a half!

2010-09-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

On August 1, 2010, I was a non-runner. I hated running. The idea of running was completely repulsive to me. If I was on fire and my only option for putting myself out was to run to a body of water fifty yards away, I'd have to seriously think about it. Even in high school when we were required to run a mile for the Presidential Fitness tests, I walked the mile even though it meant a strong talking-to from my gym teacher. I had long ago decided that I just wasn't cut out for running.

On August 8, 2010, I started running using the Couch to 5K program. I don't know why, but something about the program drew me in and convinced me to give it a shot. I still very vividly remember slogging myself up the block on that humid August evening for my first day of running. It was hot, humid, pretty miserable, but not completely intolerable, and when I was done I felt accomplished. I blogged about it. And I stuck with it because it really wasn't that bad. Every week, every session added a little more intensity, but I was able to keep up because the pace was not overly ambitious.

Yesterday I finished Week 5, Day 3 of the C25K program, which is the first run that I had really been dreading: a twenty minute run with no breaks. No resting, no stopping, no slowing, no quitting. I didn't think I'd be able to do it, not on the first try. But I did. I ran twenty minutes without stopping. In fact, I ran a little more than twenty minutes because I was so close to a mile and a half that I pushed myself a little extra for that goal. And afterwards I felt fine. No, I felt great.

I can do this, guys. I can. I don't want to go so far as to say this is life-changing, but really, I feel great. I feel like I can take on anything. On days that I'm not running I feel like I'm missing out on something. What a difference a few weeks makes.

I'm thinking about signing up for a 5K race in November. I can't believe it, but I'd like to do it. And beyond that? Maybe a 10K someday. The sky is the limit, isn't it?

I'm a runner.

The Forbidden Fruit

2010-09-28T08:56:00.000-05:00

Now that Jack has gone mobile, we've mostly babyproofed our family room so he can have a relatively safe place to play. Computer cables have been tucked away, game controllers have been stowed on top of the television, DVDs have been moved to higher ground, and Jack's massive amount of toys create a nice shield for the television's speakers. We do have one area that we keep off limits - a little round table between the sofa and the recliner where we set our coffee cups, television remote, and tissue box.

Of course, that little round table is THE GREATEST THING in the house, and Jack absolutely must see what is on it. He pulls himself up on the base of the table, puts his little fingertips on the table's edge, and then hoists himself up onto his feet so he can peer onto the table. And then he tries to grab whatever he can - keys, coffee cups, and even the holy grail of all forbidden items: the television remote. And yes, he knows how to change the channel.

I don't get it. On one side of the room, he has toys galore - brightly colored plastic noisy chewable baby toys - everything a baby could want - yet he wants to play with this table. And it isn't even an interesting table - I'd have a hard time imagining a more boring table.

I've tried to make the table's contents as dull as possible so as to dissuade him from this venture. All of our little this-and-thats have been removed. Coffee mugs are kept at the back of the table, far out of his reach. The remote gets nestled behind the table lamp, well out of sight. Yet he persists. He is one determined kid.

I'm starting to learn something here. Kids don't need toys. They need car keys, measuring cups, a pressure cooker, a television remote, and something they are told not to play with, and they'll be entertained for hours.

What my garden has taught me this year.

2010-09-25T10:52:00.001-05:00

2009 was my first attempt at gardening on my own, and it was an educational experience. The biggest lesson I learned last year was that squirrels are the devil, and that I'd need to take some serious steps if I didn't want to share my produce with those little furry bastards. As this year's gardening season draws to a close, I feel like I have learned a lot more.

1. Don't plant cucumbers. Or, if I do, I'll plant very few. There's just no way to get through as many cukes as we had, and we wasted a lot of food. I hope cucumbers compost well because there are a lot in our compost pile right now.

2. Don't plant what we don't eat. I planted peas this year, and I really don't know why. I don't like peas. I don't have the patience to shell them and use them in dishes. They grew well but they were pretty much a waste of space.

3. Do plant what we do eat. This year I did a lot of cooking with zucchini and squash, but they all came from the farmer's market. I never really thought to plant them because this year was my first time cooking with them. Next year I'll dedicate a nice portion of our garden to zucchini and squash since they are so versatile.

4. One yellow cherry tomato plant is enough. Seriously, my two plants have taken over the whole garden. I've never seen anything grow quite like that. Yellow cherry tomatoes everywhere.

5. Carrots really need their space. I read it, I knew it, yet I let my carrots grow really close together which means I ended up with very few reasonably sized carrots.

6. Tomatoes. Oh, tomatoes. They vex me. I was hoping to have enough to can tomatoes this year, but I don't, and I don't know why.

If I learn a handful of things every year that I garden, I should be a pretty fabulous gardener by the time I'm sixty-give.

And since I hate posts without photos, let's go with this cute one from this morning: Jack showing off his beautiful wool hat from The Knitting Sheep. We ventured out into the cool weather this morning in hopes of finding tomatoes for canning (no luck - only one vendor had any in quantity, and they looked terrible), but Jack looked great in his warm cap, don't you think?

Best. Toy. Ever!

2010-09-24T06:52:00.001-05:00

What a lovely little mountain of toys Jack has. Musical toys, busy boxes, blocks, choo-choo trains, stacking rings, all the standard baby fare and much, much more.

Well, there are the toys. But where is Jack?

Jack? Where did you go?

Oh, of course. He's in the kitchen, playing with his favorite toy - the BEST toy ever: the pressure cooker.

All he ever wants to play with is the pressure cooker. Forget Fisher-Price, forget Mattel. Give him that Presto pressure cooker, and you have a happy, happy boy.

I love you, little goofy baby. Happy 9 month birthday, Jack!

I'm doing the best that I can.

2010-09-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

I should know better than to get upset by what other people say on the Internet, but sometimes I can't help myself. Sometimes people say things that cut so deeply, that touch such a nerve, that I just can't let it go.

A friend of mine posted a rather humorous status message on Facebook musing about why an eleven year old would have a cell phone, and who could possibly be calling an eleven year old early in the morning. It was a lighthearted comment, but one of his relatives felt the need to respond thusly:

A parent who probably never saw her child get up this morning b/c they already left for work & most likely will only see their child for (maybe) 2-3 hrs before they go to bed. Sad how some parents only spend time with their children 15 hrs... out of 121 hrs in 5 days! Priorities! Money should never replace time with your children. Invest, rather, in your child's future. The other reason for a young child to have a cell phone.......broken homes. Helps the absentee parent keep in better touch (to help ease the conscience of that parent). I know......harsh examples, but unfortunally I koow of too many real life situations to back it up.

I realize she isn't talking about me. She doesn't even know me. But those words hurt. I work outside the home at least five days a week. I leave at 7 a.m. and don't return until after 6 p.m. because that's what my job demands. I cherish every minute with my son, every precious and all-to-rare minute. If there's a choice between sleeping in and spending time with Jack, I spend time with Jack every single time. If there's a choice between a babysitter or finding an activity I can do with Jack, I find something Jack and I can do together every single time. Maybe that isn't enough - God knows I struggle with that question every time I leave the house to go to work. Did I make Jack smile this morning? Was our time together quality time? Did I read to him enough, sing to him enough, hold him enough?

Am I wrong? Am I doing the wrong thing? No, I can't even question it. I'm confident that I'm doing the best that I can for my family. If I don't go to work, we don't have a roof over our heads, food in our refrigerator, health insurance. Absent winning the lottery or living on some kind of handout, I don't know any other way to do this. Money certainly does not replace time with my child, thank you very much, but it is a necessity, a fact of life.

My choice to work long hours is not born of a desire for things, for accumulation and status symbols. I do it out of the deep love I have for my family. That can't be the wrong things to do. And lest this post become any more melodramatic than I already has, I will end on a light note, with a nod to Bender: judgmental people like that broad on Facebook can bite my shiny metal ass.

I'm pleased to report that my cooking is no longer a threat.

2010-09-23T08:16:00.001-05:00

Four years ago I was vaguely aware that there was a kitchen in the house. I knew it as the place where I could go to get a soda out of the fridge. Cooking was not really part of my life because I had no reason to enjoy it: I had no one to cook for but myself, and there were far more convenient and less messy ways to get food.

Having a husband who appreciates good cooking has changed all of that, and I've definitely found a love of cooking. Plus, after watching episode after episode of Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, I pretty much assume that all restaurants are filthy cockroach pits. I'm certainly no Betty Crocker, but I'm finding my way around the kitchen with the help of my cookbook apps and some food blogs. So far, I'm getting pretty good, and I've learned a lot:

1. Life is too short for crappy cookware. Until my birthday this year, my cookware consisted of a Goodwill hodge-podge of seconds and hand-me-downs. My husband bought me a nice set of new cookware and I'm honestly not sure how I ever cooked without it. Cooking with nice cookware is a pleasure. If I'm ever unhappy with a piece of my cookware, it is not too much of an expense to replace it with something good.

Maybe it's the autumn talking, but I love my pumpkin colored cookware.

2. Pre-shredded cheese is an abomination against nature. I admit it - I used to love those bags of Sargento's shredded cheese. I'd pick up a bag of the Mexican four-cheese when I made tacos, or a bag of the Italian blend when I made lasagna. Then one day I decided to just buy a block of cheese and grate it myself. It was fantastic. I enjoyed it. Very zen. It makes cooking feel more like cooking and less like assembly line work. Plus, bag of cheese? That just sounds gross. No more cheesebags in this house.

3. Store-bought sauerkraut is not that awesome. I recently fermented a crock of sauerkraut and learned that it is ridiculously easy and very tasty. The health benefits of sauerkraut are hard to overstate, so there's no reason not to have fresh (or at least home-canned) sauerkraut.

4. There's no fun in frozen pizza. You don't have to go whole-hog and make your crust from scratch or prepare your sauce from fresh tomatoes, but good for you if you can. We go much simpler as our quick and easy meal: a Boboli pizza crust is an invitation to be creative, and it isn't much harder to create a pizza than it is to cook a frozen one. Our favorite combination so far has been pineapple and turkey bacon.

5.Don't be afraid to trash a disaster. God knows I've created a few W-T-Fs in my kitchen, and I'd never force a disaster on my family. If the casserole turned into a charred lump, it's time to trash the pan and go to Chili's.

Simple stuff, basic stuff, but I really, really enjoy my kitchen now.

Why I can't make mom friends.

2010-09-22T17:28:00.000-05:00

This is absolutely brilliant - a short, humorous video about the one-upsmanship that moms regularly engage in.

"I think a baby seal just died."

It sounds pretty ludicrous when it is laid out like this, but we see it time and time again. Breast feeding vs. formula feeding, cloth diapers vs. disposables, cosleeping vs. sleep training. Can't we all just be moms?

My wordiest Wednesday yet

2010-09-22T06:45:00.000-05:00

It is our nature to want to explain away bad things, to say that "everything happens for a reason" and to think that good people have good things happen to them, and bad people suffer tragedies.

Maybe one of the most basic human fears is that none of that is true; that there is no fairness, no settling out of the good and the bad. That sometimes bad things happen to great people for no apparent reason, and that sometimes lightning does strike twice.

One of the most sweet, amazing, caring, wonderful women I've ever had the pleasure of meeting online is pregnant with a little baby boy. It is her second child - her first, a daughter, was born too soon last year and did not survive. It was a tragedy that no one should endure, but she endured it with grace and strength unlike any I had ever seen. And when we learned she was expecting again, it was such a celebratory event. She'd finally have a sweet, healthy baby in her arms.

After a pretty uneventful start to her pregnancy, she got some bad news and she is now on bedrest indefinitely. She is only 22 weeks along at this time - it is much too early for her baby to be born. When her online community of friends heard about this development we were in despair; we behaved as though the worst had happened. We cried, we bargained, and we asked why? A cooler head prevailed and told us all to put our game faces on, to pray hard, and to send as many positive thoughts and words as we could to our beloved friend and her precious son.

We rallied. We put on our game faces. And we are praying hard for our dear friend.

Of course, since this is sort of a Wordless Wednesday blog entry, you expect photos.

Hang in there, TW and Baby M.

Child cruelty awareness.

2010-09-18T06:30:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year again. The time of year that we talk about the very serious issue of child cruelty, of the heartless, horrible things that parents do to their young children. Things that could scar them for life.

That's right. Halloween is next month. Let's talk about baby Halloween costumes.

There are a disturbing amount of costumes that involve dressing babies as food. Years from now when the social scientists analyze all that was wrong with our culture, I'm sure they'll have a lot to say about dressing up a baby like dinner.

Continuing the "your child as food" theme, we have this poor babe. It's one thing to put the baby in a fish costume, but actually put him in a pot...what's that I smell cooking? Ah, yes. Years of therapy.

Don't you hate it when you pick your dinner out of the tank at Red Lobster, and right as you make your decision it gives you that pitiful "why me?" look and you end up sobbing into your third glass of wine and filling up on cheddar biscuits instead because you can't bring yourself to eat Pinchy?

What? Don't look at me like that. I know you've been there.

Now this is just downright mean.

Mom?

Dad?

I hate you.

I smell freakin' awesome. But I hate you.

Okay, this one is actually kind of funny. Not so funny when you slide it onto your buddy's chair though. Unless you think a Whoopie Cushion so go "waaaaaah!" Then you'd be spot-on.

Friends, parents, readers: please help raising awareness of this very serious issue. If you see a friend or a family member eyeing up the baby section at Halloween Express, or if you find the infant section of www.costumecraze.com among their bookmarks, please intervene. Do it for the children.

How we met: a love story

2010-09-17T19:05:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be really self-indulgent on this Friday night and share the story of how Dan and I met. It was such an unlikely occurrence, yet here we are. I think it is a great story.

Years ago, back before Facebook and Twitter were household names, there was Myspace. In March of 2007, I received a friend request on Myspace from a total stranger.

Yes, we met on Myspace.

By 2007, Myspace had become a medium for bad band spam and adult pinup wannabes, so I was pretty selective about which friend requests I accepted, but this guy seemed nice enough and his page was interesting, so I accepted. He followed up with an introductory message, a thank you for accepting his friend request, and he told me his name was Dan.

We chatted for awhile - first by messages on Myspace, then by Instant Messenger, and ultimately we exchanged telephone numbers. We talked daily, and our conversations wandered to all topics but were always wonderful. We astounded one another with our common ground, and enjoyed learning about our differences. He was absolutely wonderful. He was also 2200 miles away: I was in Wisconsin, and he was in California. I had a serious decision to make.

That year in May, I took the leap and bought myself a plane ticket to go meet Dan in person. We planned on spending three incredible days on the beaches at Ventura. After spending those three days with him, I realized that there was no way I could go back to the life I had been leading. My heart still catches in my throat when I recall the day I had to board the plane to return home to Wisconsin without Dan.

And from there, it all came together: A few weeks later, Dan aced an interview for a job in Wisconsin. I packed up my life and we found a place together in Bay View. And since then, every day has felt like a vacation.

So what compelled me to write this? The other day, Dan said: if it wasn't for Myspace, Jack wouldn't exist. God, that was a profound statement. Facebook may rule the day, but Myspace will forever be in my heart.

Free diaper coupon - Kelly's Closet

2010-09-17T09:20:00.000-05:00

I love passing these along when I receive them. Kelly's Closet has another free diaper code this week. This one is limited to the first 100, so don't delay!

Available to the first 100 users. FREE one-size cloth diaper (valued at $16.95 retail or more) when you place an order of $30 or more at http://www.KellysCloset.com/ Use discount code FREEOS100
RULES: Limit 1 use per customer/family/household.

How green are you?

2010-09-16T21:51:00.001-05:00

I discovered this interesting little web quiz today called "How green are you?" It contains a pretty extensive set of questions about the sustainability of the choices you make for your family and your home. It did a great job of pointing out to me what I needed some improvement on. Do you need a green evaulation? I encourage my eco-friendly readers to take a few moments to take the test and see where you score.

As for me, I received:

Congratulations! You Are Solidly Green

You have reached Level 6 out of a possible 10. Kudos! You’ve made some meaningful changes in your life to go green. Want more? It’s easy: get started for your personalized plan, based on your answers to the quiz. And please post your stories, ratings, and product recommendations.

I was surprised to score this high. I definitely fell short on a lot of the home-efficiency items. I have a big, old house. While the upper level has received an energy efficient facelift, the lower level has all original windows and fixtures. Ideologically, I sort of struggle with that: how can I claim to be eco-conscious when I know that my house pumps all kinds of heat out through my leaded glass windows during the winter? And every year, even though our heating bill is absolutely astounding, our beautiful original windows win out. I just can't bring myself to replace them with modern, energy-efficient counterparts. Our house is old and full of beautiful original detail.

We've reached some compromises though. Last year we saved a lot on our heating bill by putting up ugly, ugly clear plastic barriers on the windows that were our biggest offenders. The difference was remarkable and immediately noticeable. We will do that again this year. And aside from the physical structure of our house, I know that energy efficiency was not in our minds when we purchased our appliances, and I'd like to change that as we eventually purchase new items for our home. Maybe we'll start a new tradition in our home of doing one energy-efficient improvement to our home every year. By starting slowly but remaining steady, I think we can make a pretty big impact on how green we live.

Wordless Wednesday: A confession.

2010-09-14T22:30:00.000-05:00

When I go to check on Jack while he's asleep in his room, I full expect to look in and see this:

My teeny, tiny little napper, with a shock of baby black hair, skin still yellowed with newborn jaundice.

It still surprises me when I see something like this instead:

Guys? He's so big. There's nothing newborn left, and even the traces of "baby" are giving way to toddler features. Too fast. Too, too fast.

A PSA from the Monkeybutt Dad

2010-09-13T20:32:00.000-05:00

Apparently my husband isn't a fan of my choice of diaper wipes. What can I say - I'm a big fan of a sale. He wrote up this little PSA about Parent's Choice baby wipes.

What follows is a graphic tale of adventures in baby changing. I don't suggest reading it if you are eating pizza tonight.

A POX on Parent's Choice Baby Wipes

I'm pretty certain that I change more diapers in this house then Jen so I can share just how I feel about Parent Choice Baby Wipes.

They are the worst example of a wet wipe out there, especially when you have a bare baby butt that resembles the inside top of a dropped pizza box. Just try to grab one of these super glued together, crappy, stupid waste of towel while attempting to hold a squirming baby - a baby that resembles a greased pig at the State Fair - and out of the waste of plastic box comes darn near every single wipe as they are completely caked together. So here I am, shaking this wet mass of wipes to hopefully break one loose, as my son attempts to do Olympic tumbling. I can barely hold onto his one leg for fear of spreading baby poo from my fingers to the changing table to the wall, ceiling, floor, clean clothes and everything else it can be flung onto.

Personally, after a mass failing of getting a wipe out, and fingers baptized in Jack joy, and poo everywhere that it wasn't just moments before, I close my eyes and imagine a conference room full of Parent's Choice bigwigs having a mass and sudden attack of Montezuma's Revenge so they can see just how crappy their product is.

If you would like to validate my rantings then head to Target and pic a pack up! I'll gladly let you attempt to change Jack.

-Dan

Mom. Work. Mom. Sleep. Mom. Work. Mom. Sleep.

2010-09-12T16:39:00.000-05:00

Balance. Sometimes life pulls you in all directions all at once, and you need to take a moment to find some balance. Throughout my life - as a student, a business owner, as a lawyer, and now as a wife and as a mom, finding balance can be a struggle. Sometimes it is hard, and sometimes it means letting things go if only for a short time.

Yes, this is where I explain my lack of blogging for an entire week.

Work has been consuming me lately. It has been consuming me to the point where my days have involved nothing more than going to work and collapsing into a heap of exhaustion at night. Everything becomes a blur; a tired, worn out blur. Days run into one another to the point where I only know the day of the week because I have a calendar on my desk. That's not a complaint about work - I love my work, and I love doing my best, working hard and seeing months of planning and effort coming together. It just how things are right now. I've had to rely on Dan even more as I've gone in early, stayed late and put in time on the weekends. Dan has risen to the occasion as he always does, but I can tell he needs a break, too. He slept in until 1p.m. today - almost unheard of, but oh so necessary sometimes. And it isn't over - not yet. There's still plenty of work to do.

Add into the mix a little boy who isn't feeling well, and guys? I'm beat.

I had to find some balance somewhere. The house isn't bad, but it could be cleaner. I'm behind about 2 loads of laundry. And I haven't written a blog in seven days. Blogging, something that comes so easily to me, had to fall to the side for a little while. Something had to give. Life happens. I've got no excuse for it. But things are balancing out again. You'll see a Monkey Butt Junction Wordless Wednesday this week, along with the usual assortment of rants and randoms.

Mostly though, I bet you'll forgive me if I include a cute picture of Jack in this post.

Yeah, that worked, didn't it?

Not in my house!

2010-09-06T08:13:00.001-05:00

So do you remember when I said we'd never, ever have a house filled with brightly colored chunks of plastic to amuse our child? That he'd have to learn to play with one or two toys at a time, and then put those away neatly before moving on to the next toy? That our yard wouldn't become a sea of primary colors.

Remember that? Well, I take it back.

We've contained it to one area of one room of the house, but my dear God does Jack have the toys. Maybe that is one of the great lessons of parenthood: never say never.

Alright, who is she?

2010-09-02T05:49:00.000-05:00

Every parent waits to hear their child's first word. Like a first meal of solids or first steps, it is a milestone, but the first word is more than that: it a parent's first good opportunity to claim favorite parent status.* Will the first word be mama? Will he say papa? Will he show preference for the family pet, or a weird uncle?

Jack has begun to move from vowel sounds like "oooo" and "aaaa" to consonants like "mmmm." We hear lots of "mmmm" in our house, clearly unrelated to my cooking, so I thought that "mama" was a shoe-in for Jack's first word. All he would have to do is open up his little mouth after an "mmmm" and he'd have some semblance of "mmmmaaaaa." No problem, right?

In theory, that's a pretty good approach. In practice, Jack is going to say what he wants, when he wants to. And right now, mama isn't in it. Instead, he's decided to put the vowel in front of his "mmmm" so now he goes about exuberently shouting "EMMM!" "EMMM!"

How cute, Jack has a favorite letter. I'm really partial to R, but M is okay too.

And then yesterday, he did it. He worked on "EMMM" for quite awhile until it evolved into his first word. It was my birthday, so how fitting would it have been for him to finally say Mama? What a beautiful present!

But not our Jack. He decides to go for the surprise, the curveball, the unexpected.

Emma. He said Emma.

Over and over again. Emma, Emma, Emma.

Who the hell is Emma? I know one thing - Emma sure isn't mama.

My theory is that Emma is his imaginary girlfriend. My husband thinks that Emma is his imaginary wet nurse.

Well, Emma. You won the coveted prize. You are Jack's first word. You had better hope we don't meet in a dark alley, Ms. Emma, whoever you are.

*I realize that favoritism isn't really a factor at all. But who among parents hasn't joked about being the "favorite" because baby chose to enunciate dada before mama?

Wordless Wednesday: Carrots

2010-09-01T06:45:00.000-05:00

Mom, I love carrots. Eating them, wearing them - it doesn't matter to me. I just love them.

But Mom? You really need to feed me faster. A growing boy can only wait so long between spoonfuls. One second, maybe two, tops. Step it up here, lady.

Mom! I said I'm hungry. Do you want me to feed myself? I can, but it won't be pretty!

I can't believe you left this right here, right within my reach! You're slipping, mom. Totally slipping.

Got it! Now, how does this thing work? Are there instructions on the bottom? The spoon usually just comes to my face automatically...it seems to be be broken today.

The answer must be in here...somewhere. Maybe underneath all of these carrots? Hmm, this is harder than it looked.

There we go! That's how it's done!

Knowing is half the battle.

2010-08-29T06:49:00.000-05:00

This is incredible to me. This is a sign from the Aspen Women's Center in Utah. Apologies for the large graphic, but I wanted to be sure the text was readable.

This sign is just incredible to me. Don't bring a birth plan? Don't hire a doula? Don't use the Bradley Method? Clearly their concerns don't lie with the "quality of their patient's deliveries" nor the "welfare and health of [the] unborn child." Obviously there's something else at play here. Is it the fear of a woman who wants to make her own choices in childbirth? A desire to short-circuit any attempts to enlist the assistance of someone who could advocate for the birthing mother, and perhaps clash with doctors and hospital staff? Are women who would use a birth plan or employ the Bradley Method more likely to reflect on their birth experience, and therefore more likely to examine any deficiencies in their treatment and complain, or even sue?

I'd gladly leave a hospital that would call this their policy.

While the sign is a sad statement, how many hospitals have an unwritten, unspoken version of this same sign that dictates how women experience birth behind their doors? When this policy came to light on parenting and childbirth message boards and blogs in the fall of 2009, there was a lot of outrage at Aspen Women's Center over this policy. While the policy seems extremely short-sighted, I see the sign as a breath of fresh air: Aspen Women's Center puts its bias out there for their patients to see so that they can make an informed transfer to a facility more willing to accomodate their very reasonable request to be an active decision-maker in their own birth experiences. Not all hospitals are that up front, and the time to find out about policies like this are the day you walk into the facility's door for your first appointment and not the day you are there to give birth.

How to know that you married the right person

2010-08-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

I think we all have those moments, that little pause of clarity when you look at your spouse and think "how on earth did I end up with this dude?"

My husband doesn't like cookies. For reals. Who doesn't like cookies? That guy. My husband. Seriously. What a freak. How on earth did I end up with this dude?

But for the most part we are totally peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly, champagne and orange juice, which is good because God knows neither of us have any desire to go find new spouses.

So it is all that more wonderful when you get to have that moment when your spouse says something or does something that makes you realize beyond the shadow of any cookie-hating doubt that you are with the right person.

I had that moment today. It wasn't the first time, it won't be the last time. But I love that moment so much.

My husband and I were chatting on IM, and I mentioned that had Jack sneezed on me this morning, like ON me, wet and icky gotta go wash my face kind of sneeze.

His response?

Awesome.
I find that very arm bone.

Did you get it? Or did you just cock your head to the side, stare at the monitor and think, WTH is Jenn talking about?

Arm bone = humerus = humorous.*

I find that very humorous.

And there I sat in my office, tears running down my face as I try to stifle my laughter. If anyone had walked into my office at that moment, they would have thought I was having some sort of fit. Even typing this out just now, I'm still laughing.

Clearly, we are both total dorks (he'll deny that, by the way) and we are made for each other.

And, in sum,

That's what passes for side-splitting hilarity around these parts.

*In an effort to keep my blog honest, I'll tell you we both originally laughed at "leg bone," not arm bone. Because apparently we both failed high school physiology class. Thank God for Google.

I am unhip. GAP Fail.

2010-08-26T15:55:00.001-05:00

Apparently I'm a sucker for a sale. Last week when the website Groupon.com announced a $50.00 gift card for The Gap for just $25.00, I fell all over myself to take advantage of it, even though it took for-ev-er because apparently half of the population of this great nation wanted in on the Gap deal. Everyone loves The Gap, right?

So today, $50.00 coupon in hand, I went to The Gap, planning on coming out with at least a nice pair of pants for work, or a cute sweater, or...um.

Also apparently, I've never been to The Gap before. Yes, I am American. I live in a major metropolitan area. I am female. I've even been to college. But I've never, ever set foot in The Gap until today. I realize this now because when I got there I realized that there was nothing in that store I'd wear. I'm not a jeans girl. I'm not a t-shirt girl. I don't buy $90.00 sweaters, nor do I wear sweatshirts. And as those items cover exactly 100% of the inventory at The Gap, there's just nothing there I could use.

I bought The Gap Groupon deal because I couldn't resist a bargain.

Fortunately, next to The Gap I found Baby Gap. And, as he always does, Jack scored big time. After applying my gift card, $7.90 bought Jack:

ZOMG A PENGUIN!

Plus little black boots. Plus a little Halloween shirt with a long-sleeved onesie that goes underneath it. Plus a leather belt.

Little man will be well dressed. I hope he's not too embarrassed to be seen with his totally unhip mom.

Wordless Wednesday: 8 months ago

2010-08-24T22:19:00.000-05:00

Eight months ago...

We met.

We bonded.

We snoozed.

We let it all hang out.

We chillaxed.

We fussed. Only a little.

And we dreamed.

It has been the most amazing eight months of my life.

Strange days have found us.

2010-08-22T22:41:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago my mom told me that my dad was going to be in town and wanted to have breakfast with us, and meet Dan and Jack. I haven't seen my dad in the better part of ten years, and the last time I saw him it was over a really uncomfortable dinner at Charcoal Grill. Prior to that, I hadn't seen him in years. We never had a real relationship other than a few weekends with him as I was growing up. When I was in third grade, he bought me a Transformer for Christmas. Megatron. That may be my most significant memory of him. I don't dislike him, but he's a stranger. I don't know him.

To get ready for the occasion, we dressed Jack in a little cowboy outfit, complete with denim dungarees and little black cowboy boots, but the boots only stayed on as far as the kitchen. He's still anti-shoe, even when the shoe in question is an adorable pair of boots. When we pulled up to Cracker Barrel this morning and my dad and my mom were already there waiting. I was genuinely surprised. He looked like an older, thinner version of what I remembered. I introduced him to my husband and my son, and he gave me an awkward hug. Our breakfast was brief. We talked about Jack, and he told me about my half-brother and half-sister and their respective children. He said a few things that made me give him the side-eye, but for the most part it wasn't unpleasant. I was glad to be in the car heading back home afterwards. I was also very, very tired when it was all done.

Interestingly, after a little initial shyness, Jack really took to my dad. He wanted to look at him and touch his face. Jack is generally a friendly baby, but this was a little different. This guy was a stranger to Jack, but it was like he knew something, like he sensed a familiarity. Jack never ceases to amaze me. What did you know, little man?

In all, I don't know how to feel about today. I don't really feel anything in particular, one way or another. I guess it was nice to see my dad, but I don't really have much of an opinion in it. It just was.

But I did get something nice out of it - a family picture that I never thought I'd see happen.

Awesome Toy Alert! The Alphabet Apple

2010-08-20T10:57:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, I'm not a giant fan of electronic kids toys. That is hugely hypocritical of me, as I was raised on the Atari 2600, Coleco's handheld electronic football game, and Simon. But I love the simple old toys: blocks, Lincoln Logs, Tinkertoys, so when we buy toys for Jack we usually lean towards the basic and the classic.

Except when something awesome catches our attention.

We decided to buy Jack a little prize since he had a really rough week last week with his high fever and then a bump on the noggin (rolling baby = faceplant), so we checked the toy aisle at Wal Mart and came across the VTech Alphabet Apple.

The Apple immediately got Jack's attention, so we investigated it a little more and liked what we saw. The Alphabet Apple has 26 light-up buttons - one for each letter of the alphabet - and each corresponds to an animal. The Apple has eight different play modes, including lessons on time telling, spelling, animal sounds and music. The Apple quizzes children on spelling (and gives hints by lighting up the appropriate letters, when needed) and rewards correct answers with applause. It teaches time with an analog clock (love! I can't believe that so many kids don't know how to read anything but a digital) and the animal sound matching game is both fun and educational. The music mode plays different songs accompanied by elaborate light patterns.

The Apple is definitely meant for pre-school aged kids, but Jack loves the sounds and lights. I see this as being a toy that he will learn from as he grows and enjoy for years to come. We paid $21.97 at Wal Mart, and I think it is worth every penny.

Jack's "No-Sleep Cry Solution"

2010-08-18T15:36:00.000-05:00

Jack is a born leader, if I do say so myself. He's a pioneer in the field of gross noises, and mastering the renowned "diaper removal and pee" method cherished by expert babies and toddlers everywhere. Just this week he began his trial run of the "No-Sleep Cry Solution."

Parents have probably heard about Elizabeth Pantley's famous book, the "No-Cry Sleep Solution." Having a baby sleep through the night is such a revered goal - perhaps the holy grail of newborn babyhood - that there is a whole market out there for products, books, seminars, music and DVDs aimed at teaching babies how to sleep through the night. While some parents believe in some variation of the "cry it out" method of sleep training, others advocate that parents should just deal with a baby who wakes every forty-five minutes until that baby is good and ready to sleep longer. Pantley's method is a far more gentle alternative for coaxing young babies to sleep through the night, and one which has saved the sanity of many a sleep deprived parent.

Well, Jack's having none of that. Apparently he just learned that most babies don't start sleeping through the night at three weeks as he did, and he wants to make up for lost time. To that end, he began working on some research for his alternative to Ms. Pantley's book, which he is going to call the "No-Sleep Cry Solution."

His goal? No sleep. Cry.

Last night, for example, Jack napped soundly in the car on the way home from Gander Mountain. We unlatched Mr. Sleeping Precious from his carseat, got him ready for bed, and put him down for the night. He slept for a blissful, beautiful hour until we were ready for bed. That's when his bat-sense tingled: mom and dad are going to sleep? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I tried my usual methods of comforting him: tucked the blanket around his legs, squeezed the musical lullaby Seahorse, gave him his pacifier, but he wasn't having any of it.

Dan advised me that it was a "hungry cry." Hungry cry cannot be fixed by song, Seahorse, or cuddles. It requires a full bottle, even if it is the middle of the night. Even if I'm damn tired. So Hungry Jack had his bottle, and I didn't sleep. I put him back to bed, wide awake but at least content enough to play quietly instead of wail. I slept the half-sleep of a mom with one ear in her son's crib.

For about an hour. Like a perverse alarm clock, he wound up again at two, and then three, and then five. By five he couldn't be calmed by any conventional means of soothing except being held. Which required me to be awake. That is, after all, the ultimate goal of the No-Sleep Cry Solution: baby gets plenty of sleep but Mom? Mom gets to hold baby, wide awake and bleary eyed, while baby sleeps.

Ahh, ultimate goal achieved: I sleep while Mom toils.

Thanks, Jack. Let's take a break from your research tonight so you can go back to being that sweet, sleeping baby you used to be. Mom's not a fan of these dark circles under her eyes.

Wordless Wednesday with the wee lad.

2010-08-17T22:04:00.000-05:00

(Apologies to those of you who have seen these photos already, but there's no way I could withhold them from this week's WW post).

The Brand New Kilt (as told by Jack)

Momma and Daddy bought me my very first kilt. At first I wasn't too sure about it, so I tried it on and asked Daddy: "Daddy, what do you think?"

Daddy said I looked great, so I asked Momma: "Momma, what do you think?" And mean Momma said I looked like I was wearing a skirt! So then I was all, like, "waaaahhh!"

But then Momma said she was just kidding, and she held me for a bit and we were all better. So then I asked her again: "Momma, how do I look?"

And Momma said "Jack, you look great! And don't you know, the ladies LOVE a man in a kilt!" So then I was all like "Helloooooooo ladiessssss!"

So, guys: what do you think about my new kilt? I think I like it.

(and Jack!)

Attack of the forty foot cucumbers.

2010-08-16T22:29:00.000-05:00

It sounded like such a great idea: I'll plant cucumbers in the garden this year. That way I'll be able to can my fabulous dill pickles without having to lug a bushel of them home from the farmer's market. I picked up a packet of cucumber seeds, planted them with great care, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And then one day, I blinked. And when I opened my eyes again, there were cucumbers everywhere. Their greedy green tendrils had taken over the garden, snarling themselves in my carrots, wrapping themselves around my eggplants, choking out my raspberry bush and all but burying my lonely watermelon vine. And the garden takeover wasn't enough for them, oh no. They soon clawed their way out of the confines of the garden and onto the lawn. Before long they were working their way up the fence, and soon began plotting their takeover of the neighbor's yard. (Fair enough...they send us their ant problem, I'll be glad to let them incur the wrath of our cucumber army). In my nightmares, I tear open the shower curtain to find the bathtub filled with cucumbers.

Seriously. I harvested a nice pile of cukes a few days ago, made cucumber sandwiches and cucumber lemonade until I turned green and when I went to check the garden last night I found these:

What. The. Heck. Where were these hiding? And then, tonight, after picking all of those last night I found a giant beluga whale of a cucumber sneaking out the side of the garden. The thing was the size of my arm - how did I miss that last night?

Where is the "off" button on the cucumber patch?

Also, anyone need any cucumbers?

Pioneer Woman I am not.

2010-08-14T15:10:00.000-05:00

Ah, Saturday, blissful Saturday. My husband went to go see some ridiculous dude movie with the guys, and little Jack and I had the house to ourselves for the afternoon.

Of course I decided to spend the afternoon relaxing, watching the House marathon on USA Network, and sipping wine. Wait, no I didn't. I decided to clean and bake while Jack napped. Cleaning was fine, but baking? Not so much.

I thought I would try this fabulous recipe for something called Zand Gebak that I saw earlier this week on The Pioneer Woman's website. I've been dreaming of lovely shortbread cookies topped with rich mocha all week, and today was my day to make my own.

No, it wasn't.

The recipe started out fine. Well, I didn't have quite enough butter but that's okay - I was close. I brewed some strong coffee, per the recipe. I creamed the butter and sugar together, added the vanilla, salt and baking powder, and reached for the flour.

Except that it wasn't flour. It was sugar. The Target brand flour and sugar foiled me again. The packaging for their flour and their sugar look EXACTLY alike to me (except for the fact that one says "sugar" and one says "flour," but who looks at those little details?). I had two bags of sugar and zero bags of flour. And with a sleeping baby, there was no way I could make a quick trip to the store. But not to worry, I have other flour. Wheat flour. That will work, won't it?

Here's an important lesson:

WHEAT FLOUR IS NOT THE SAME AS FLOUR. IT IS AN ABOMINATION. I THINK IT CONTAINS SAND. AND ANGER.

Nevertheless, I sallied forth. I kneaded the dough with the wheat flour, trying not to get too skeeved out by the texture (have I mentioned that I hate wheat flour? I hate wheat flour. It feels like sand) and I rolled it flat so I could grab my trust roundy cookie cutter and cut some circular cookies.

Except that I don't have a round cookie cutter. I have about sixty gajillion Christmas cookie cutters, and a turkey. I settled for a Christmas star since it was far less Christmasy than, say, Santa. I could at least pretend that I meant to make star-shaped cookies. I cut out two dozen stars and put them on the cookie sheet and let them bake for ten minutes while I worked on the mocha butter. Which I didn't have enough butter for, but at this point, we were sallying forth, right? No looking back even if my kitchen catches fire. The mocha butter looked mostly like the photo, so I was pleased, and turned my attention back to the star-shaped cookies in the oven.

And...they had baked into one giant cookie. Helldamnfart.

But I was undaunted. I washed up the cookie cutter and cut the warm-but-not-crisp mass of cookie into star shapes. Crumbly, crappy-looking, broken up star shapes. Well, the look isn't as important as the taste, right? And with the mocha butter on top, surely they will taste fabulous.

I spooned just the right amount of mocha butter onto each cookie and watched it run off the sides of the cookie and then immediately soak into the cookie, thereby further rendering the cookie into a mushy pile with both the look and texture of sand. I could have built a damn castle with it.

Next, I did what any sane person would do (finally). I tossed it all in the trash, poured the remaining coffee into a mug, added a dash of Southern Comfort, and got right to that House marathon on USA Network, and devoured half of the bag of chocolate chips that should have gone into the cookies.

But not without one parting thought to this recipe:

Ahh. I feel better.

But my day can only get better, right?

2010-08-12T06:42:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's blog was awfully sentimental and sweet. Though every word of it was true and from the heart, lest you think that it is nothing but puppies and rainbows, unicorns and hugs down at the Monkey Butt Ranch, let me tell you about my morning.

My morning started, as they all do, with Jack stirring early. I dragged myself out of bed, changed his diaper, and because this weather is still so stinking hot I thought it would be smart to let him skip the clothes for now.

We went downstairs, he in his cowprint diaper and me in my pajamas, and I made a pot of coffee. I fired up my laptop so I could read the morning news while feeding Jack, as I always do, and I set Jack on my lap. He ate happily for a few minutes and then...then I felt it. A very wet, hot spot, spreading onto my lap. It actually took my brain a few moments to process what was happening.

While I was engrossed in the news, Jack had been busy opening up the velcro on his diaper, exposing his little boy bits to the world. Hilarious, Jack. Until he had to pee. ON MY LAP. Gah.

I refastened his diaper, set him on the floor and ran to the bathroom like I was on fire, listening to Jack wail as I washed up. He quickly discovered his toys and was totally unconcerned about his interrupted breakfast, so I took the opportunity to dress for work before returning to finish Jack's breakfast.

And then he barfed on me. On my work clothes, my shirt and pants. I was covered. Jack, on the other hand, seemed rather pleased. He actually laughed.

Jack, I've said it before and I'll say it again: it is a good thing you are cute.

Needed.

2010-08-11T21:37:00.001-05:00

As a working mom, I miss out on a lot of the "moments." I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't be the one to see Jack's first "official" crawl or his first real steps. I probably won't be around for his first word unless that blessed event takes place after 7p.m. on a weekday or over the weekend. I have accepted that my husband is far better at understanding Jack than I am, that the difference between a hungry cry, a tired cry, and an oh-my-God-someone-put-poo-in-my-diaper cry are totally obvious to him and totally obscure to me. I'm okay with the fact that he knows exactly which way Jack likes his bottle to be held or which way he songs are his new favorites, and which stuffed animal is his cuddle-buddy of the day while I'm totally in the dark on those things. And my husband, God bless him, does his very best to make me feel like I'm the center of Jack's universe even though I know Jack's world totally revolves around Daddy.

But sometimes Jack really just needs mom. And it feels really good to just be mom. Not working mom. Not lawyer mom. Not feeding Jack with one hand and typing out an email with the other hand mom. Just mom, giving her 110% mom best.

When I came home from work yesterday, Jack just wasn't himself. He was fussy - angry even, and wouldn't be consoled. I picked him up to hold him and his skin was so hot. He was so feverish, so sick. I held him, consoled him, gave him medicine, held cool cloths on him, and stayed up with him.

He needed mom. For as horrible as I felt for him - he was clearly so miserable - I felt so good just being mom. Even if it meant that I went to work on about three hours of sleep. I'll trade sleep for those moments of being needed, those true mom moments, any day.

Thank you, Jack, for letting me be mom. I hope I'm doing a good job.

And, as a little P.S. for Jack's fans: he did go to the hospital tonight when his fever spiked. He's home with us now, resting quietly, and feeling much better. He's such a trooper.

Day Two, Week One: The belly of the beast.

2010-08-10T21:56:00.000-05:00

I'm on Day Two, Week One of the Couch to 5K, and hot is an understatement. Also? We don't have air conditioning, so I present to you, Exhibit A: our indoor/outdoor temperature thermostat:

That's 85.8 inside the house, 82 outside. While that's not really that high of a number, do recall that unlike places like Arizona or New Mexico, we don't have any of that fabled "dry heat" here in Wisconsin. We have wet heat. Wet. Hot. Humid. And it was after dark when I went for my run tonight - those are our nighttime temperatures. Daytime would have been absolutely horrid.

But the bottom line is this: I did it. It wasn't much easier, but I did it. I kept with it, even though the weather was against me.

Ahh. Victory. Now to repeat this pattern for the next nine weeks and beyond.

Wordless Wednesday: Gone Fishin'

2010-08-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

Try as we all did, the only fish caught that day was caught purely by accident, and so tiny he was initially mistaken for part of a clump of weeds.

But as they say, a bad day fishing is better than a good day working.

Day One, Week One: Stupid things to do on a hot day.

2010-08-08T20:53:00.002-05:00

Only a complete and total fool would spend a sweltering summer day canning. And it would take a real jabbering moron to leave the kitchen and then go out for a long run. Only an utter buffoon would do such a ridiculously dumb thing.

So, today I decided it would be a great idea to can green beans with the new pressure canner and then start my Couch to 5K program. The pressure canner was easy to use, and the green beans look great. Pickyourown.org is a fantastic resource for all things canning, and it walked me through the green beans (and my first run with the pressure canner) quite handily.

As for the Couch to 5K, I did it: day one of week one is in the bag! In the big scheme of things, the first day is easy - lots of walking and not a lot of running. But every great journey begins with that first step. And to be honest, it wasn't easy for me. It was tough. For one, do I look like a woman who owns tennis shoes? The closest thing I had could best be described as skateboard shoes (they were cute, what can I say?) and while they weren't ideal, they were better than my next-best option: sandals.

But even beyond the inadequacies of my wardrobe, the actual program was brutally tough. By the end of my block I was already wondering why I promised myself I'd do this. I was warm, achy, and my skin was itchy from the heat. By seven minutes in I was sweating and my knees were shaking. But I pressed on, and I made it through the whole 31 minute program. Then I came in the house, sucked every drop of water out of the Brita pitcher, and took the coldest shower I have ever taken in my entire life. And it. felt. great.

My plan is to keep up the Couch to 5K program by running on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, RAIN OR SHINE, for the full nine weeks. I will keep tabs on myself by updating my blog (the Couch to 5K will get its own shiny new tab!) and by putting updates on Facebook and Twitter.

Look for another update on Tuesday. I am going to do this.

Run, Jenny! Run!

2010-08-07T23:54:00.001-05:00

I consider myself to be moderately fit. I'm not a couch potato: I try to stay as active as someone with a ten hour a day desk job reasonably can. Thanks to the 30-Day Shred I can do a mean girl-pushup. But even at my fittest, I could never run.

As evidence, let me tell you about running the mile. Do they still do the Presidential Fitness Test in high school? Well, way back in my day we did. You know, after our class on fire-making and cave wall drawing, we'd walk out past the dinosaurs to the field where we'd engage in a series of about ten different physical activities where we'd be timed and ranked against our classmates. I mastered most of them: pushups, situps, the wall-sit. I ruled those. And then there was the mile run. The standard for the run was fourteen minutes. For me, there was just no way.

In my case, it was the mile walk. Every year it started out with a run, or at least a half-hearted jog, but it quickly devolved into an angry, breathless, twenty-eight minute walk. And that was at my best. Things haven't improved since then. I still can't run. Like, if I ran to the end of the block, that would be pretty incredible. I'd probably have to be on fire to make that happen. This needs to change, and it is changing this week.

I am starting the Couch to 5K program. The program is designed to help non-runners build up the stamina to run by alternating walking and running under a regimented, thrice-weekly program. I need to do it this way because I've never been able to build up stamina on my own.

To help me out, I've downloaded a neat app for my iPhone. I can't fail if I have enough gadgets, right?

So now that I've announced my intentions here, I'll be too embarrassed to admit defeat or slack or let the program fade away after a week. I''m making myself as accountable as I possibly can on this so that I'll have no choice but to keep up with it. So, blog readers, Twitter followers, Facebook friends and my friends and family: any time over the next nine weeks, please ask me how the Couch to 5K is going. I had better have an answer, and if I don't, feel free to rip the donut out of my sticky hands and shame me within an inch of my life. I mean that. I really want to do this.

My plan is to run Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights.

So, now that I've said that, anyone else want to join my virtual running team? I've had a few takers on Twitter so far, but the more the merrier (or is it, misery loves company?) Come run with me!

Water safety and sinking like a stone.

2010-08-06T07:07:00.001-05:00

Even though today is Friday, this is a serious post. I'll make up for it later with cute baby photos or something equally saccharin. I promise.

Early last week the news carried a story about a man who drowned while saving his three year old nephew from a pond where they were swimming. I immediately wondered why someone who wasn't a swimmer would try saving someone else from the water.

How naive I was.

Jack and I have been taking a baby swim class at the YMCA. I thought it would be a fun thing to do, and I hoped that he'd enjoy the water (as opposed to screaming in terror and being angry at me for a full day, as he did the first time I put his little feet in his kiddie pool). He has really been a trooper through the whole class so far - he kicks and paddles like a champ, and he has even gone underwater without a single, solitary waaah.

Dan calls him our little Navy Seal.

Jack with some broad who has no business being in a swimsuit.

As for me, I'll be honest: I'm not doing so great. I was fine for all of the fun and games part - I can do the pool version of "The Wheels on the Bus" like I'm auditioning for Idol, but last Saturday we had a lesson on safely towing a baby out of deep water.

I couldn't do it. I sank like a damn stone.

The first lesson was a sort of backfloat, with baby in our arms, over our chest. The idea is, obviously, to keep baby's head above water at all times, and ideally, to keep your own head above water most of the time. I couldn't do it. I kicked a few times and down I went, stopping just short of Jack going under with me. As you may imagine, he was not a fan of that experiment.

The next lesson involved a scissor kick while having the baby straddle your hip. Again, I was underwater in a matter of seconds. By now Jack was sensing my frustration and getting himself worked up too. He wasn't crying, but he was very squirmy which did not help matters at all.

The third alternative was to place baby on your back, holding one of his arms over your shoulder, leaving both legs and one arm to swim. I couldn't even safely put Jack on my back. It just wasn't happening. And by this time, he was mad. I was frustrated. We were done.

The only thing I could do was tread water for a short period. But that's only going to help in a rescue situation if there's something there to rescue me and Jack in a matter of moments.

You'd think it wouldn't be so hard to swim with a baby, but I found it impossible. And that worries me. All I can do at this point is keep trying, keep practicing and of course practice water safety above all else. Here's a great resource for child and infant water safety. I still need to learn infant CPR - I have no excuse for not knowing that. Moms and dads - all caregivers and potential caregivers - pledge to yourselves to take a class. We'll all be better people for having done so.

One thing I will never take for granted is the difficulty involved in a rescue situation. I hope I'll never need to experience that firsthand.

When life gives you cucumbers...

2010-08-05T08:57:00.001-05:00

I have gone from having a few cucumbers in the garden to having a hostile cucumber takeover in my yard, all in the matter of a week. I was thrilled to find one, then two, then five and six cucumbers, especially when I thought my cuke crop was a bust. But now the cucumbers are just everywhere, outnumbering even the tomatoes. Something had to be done. They were taking over. If they became sentient...well, let's not go there. Back to the lemonade.

I Googled "cucumber recipes" and learned two words that I found strangely compelling: cucumber lemonade. I was simultaneously repulsed and intrigued, and after asking a few of my southern friends about the concoction I realized that I had to try making it.

Allrecipes.com had a plethora of recipes for cucumber lemonade, so I went with the one that took the least amount of effort but still yielded a 4.5 star rating. And my life was forever changed.

Cucumber Lemonade

You will need:
One cucumber
One 2-liter bottle of 7UP or other lemon-lime soda
One can of frozen lemonade concentrate
One very cute, large pitcher.

Take a good-sized cucumber, peel it and slice it thinly.

Is that not the perfect pitcher?

Place the cucumber slices in the bottom of a large pitcher and empty a can of frozen lemonade concentrate on top of it. Let it sit for twenty minutes so the frozen concentrate begins to liquify.

Add a 2-liter bottle of 7UP or any other lemon-lime soda.

If desired, strain the cucumbers out of the mixture (bonus: now they have a little lemon-lime kick from the soda. Great little snack for a hot day).

Serve the drink over ice.

So how does it taste? Imagine lemonade, but with a clean finish: not sticky or tart. I served it to my husband and a guest without telling them how it differed from regular lemonade. I asked them to guess. Our guest thought that it tasted like watermelon, and my husband couldn't place the flavor, but he loved it. They were both surprised when I told them it was cucumber. Clearly, the cucumber flavor wasn't very perceptible, but it was enough to make an already refreshing drink that much more crisp. We easily polished off the pitcher.

Variation:

Add a splash of grenadine to the bottom of the glass, and layer the cucumber lemonade on top. Very pretty.
Of course, alcohol is always an option, too. Be brave - experiment, and most of all, enjoy!

Twitter and the wrath of the lactivists

2010-08-04T09:52:00.000-05:00

Something very interesting happened yesterday in the Twitterverse when an unwary coffee shop owner tweeted his sentiments on breastfeeding in his shop. I'm sure he felt like it was an innocent tweet (which was since deleted) when he typed it:

Notice: No breastfeeding at the DoubleShot. Thank you.

The DoubleShot logo.

It didn't take long for the lactivist community to take notice. After all, it takes some guts (or, more likely, ignorance) to come up with a tweet like that during world breastfeeding week. Soon, the pro-breastfeeding community was tweeting up a storm, vowing to never enjoy another latte at the DoubleShot and promising to support other Tulsa coffee shops.

After feeling some of the heat, Brian Franklin of the DoubleShot somehow thought that a new tweet would help smooth over the public relations debacle he was creating.

Settle down, folks. We just don't like walking across the room and seeing your breast. Maybe you could do it in private.

For the uninformed, telling a breastfeeding activist to feed her baby in private is like advising someone who is battling infertility to "just relax and it will happen." It never, ever goes well, and it makes the person who said it look like an ignorant douchebag.

The Twitter discussion among lactivists continued to heat up, and before long some pointed out that Oklahoma law protects a mother's right to breastfeed anywhere she otherwise has the legal right to be.
When a small business is faced with an unintended public relations debacle like this, most do the reasonable thing: they backpedal like they were biking in a reverse marathon with their crotch on fire. Apparently the DoubleShot isn't the type of place to follow that traditional PR wisdom. After another hour of virtual pummeling, the following tweet was offered to make everything better:

Ok ok, breastfeeding allowed again at the DoubleShot. Hey! Breastfeeding all around. :)

Followed shortly by:

I was just kidding anyway. Didn't expect that blow up. Sorry to get you guys riled up.

Not exactly an apology. Probably not even true. But at least he regretted typing that original tweet, and ultimately learned his lesson, right?

Not really. Brian Franklin then went on to release a statement to the local news station wherein he complained about the infringement of his rights.

I don't mind if people breastfeed in the DoubleShot, but it's funny to me that people don't consider the rights of others; only their own. If one really believes in the American dream of individual rights, they must believe in the rights of others to do or think or say things they don't agree with.

The lactivists just wanted an apology, or maybe at least some acknowledgment that the original tweet was pretty ignorant. Apparently DoubleShot didn't feel that was necessary.

There's a pretty important social media lesson to be learned here. What once would have been an offhand statement heard only by a handful of people turned into a national discussion among a very vocal group of media-savvy women. Businesses small and large need to wake up to the fact that they are what they tweet. Public perception is everything.

And, Twitter lactivists? I'm proud of you. I feel like I witnessed a tiny piece of a big and beautiful revolution yesterday as this unfolded.

Wordless Wednesday: Stuff Daddy does to baby when I'm not watching

2010-08-03T20:29:00.002-05:00

Stages a battle of army men on Jack Hill.

Makes kneecap faces.

Takes photos of him chillin' au naturale.

Builds him cool hats.


Diapers his sweet lil' head.

Helps him rock a fingerstache.

Gives him monkeygoggles.

OMG! There's FOOD in our garden!

2010-08-01T23:12:00.001-05:00

Wisconsin's summer is alternatively known as "construction season" or "mosquito season" but this year has irritatingly produced a bumper crop of both. Despite a generous application of every "home remedy" type of mosquito prevention known to man and Google, it has been nearly impossible to spend any time in our backyard without being accosted by a swarm of nasty little bloodsuckers. I'd actually rather have construction going on.

For that reason, my gardens have been a little neglected. I'll pull a few weeds as I walk by on my way to the car, or I'll grab a ripe tomato if I happen to see it, but beyond that, I have truly feared to venture too deeply because of the very real possibility that mosquitoes could carry me off to their secret mosquito lair in the center of the earth. (That's what they do, right?)

Saturday thankfully brought some relief from the mosquito cloud that has been hanging over the yard since May, so I seized the opportunity to survey my garden. Over the past few weeks I've been noticing great looking cucumbers and eggplants at the farmer's market and I've been lamenting my own apparently barren plants. Despite having a ton of flowers, I hadn't seen anything resembling food anywhere in the garden.

Until Saturday. Out of nowhere, I found four beautiful eggplants, hanging there silently, like little purple ninjas. The cucumber patch yielded a similarly fantastic bounty - six, SIX gorgeous cucumbers, the kind that are such the perfect length and circumference that any single woman wouldn't dare buy them at her neighborhood grocery store.

I'm so proud of my garden.

To celebrate, we had cucumber sandwiches for lunch today (sliced cucumbers on toast with mayo, black pepper and turkey bacon. Serve with ice cold lemonade on a hot day). This week I'll slaughter a few of those eggplants for eggplant parmesan, one of my favorites because it is nearly impossible to screw up, and it tastes like I know a hell of a lot more about cooking than I actually do.

From Allrecipes.com:

Eggplant Parmesan

Ingredients

* 3 eggplant, peeled and thinly sliced
* 2 eggs, beaten
* 4 cups Italian seasoned bread crumbs
* 6 cups spaghetti sauce, divided
* 1 (16 ounce) package mozzarella cheese, shredded and divided
* 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided
* 1/2 teaspoon dried basil

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. Dip eggplant slices in egg, then in bread crumbs. Place in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake in preheated oven for 5 minutes on each side.
3. In a 9x13 inch baking dish spread spaghetti sauce to cover the bottom. Place a layer of eggplant slices in the sauce. Sprinkle with mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses. Repeat with remaining ingredients, ending with the cheeses. Sprinkle basil on top.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 35 minutes, or until golden brown

Not a mom car kind of gal.

2010-07-30T06:49:00.001-05:00

It is car shopping time for me. Geico has provided me with a check for my totaled Mustang, so the time has come to try to find a replacement for my beloved car.

At the outset, realize two things: 1) I hate car shopping, and 2) My Mustang is about as replaceable as my husband. As in, I could - technically there are other models out there - but I'd rather stab myself in the face with an icepick than go through all the rigamarole associated with finding a new one. (Yes, honey, that means I love you. I love you at least as much as I loved the Mustang - and that's a LOT!).

When I bought the Mustang, I was single and without a care in the world about things like front wheel drive or backseats suitable for a baby seat or passenger comfort or staying dry during rainstorms. That car was for me. Things have obviously changed now, so it would be completely irresponsible to get a "just for me" car. I could - we do have our Jeep Patriot, which makes a fantastic family car - but I'm going to do the reasonable thing and get a car the whole family can enjoy. But I still want it to be fun. I know I won't find my dream car - I hate to be melodramatic, but really, my dream car was what got totaled in the flood last week. Right now I'm focused on finding that perfect mix of awesome-yet-useful, cool-yet-kid friendly.

So far, it ain't happening. I spy a marketing niche here. Detroit, are you listening? (Er, Detroit? Is anyone even there anymore?)

Let me use some photos to illustrate the problem.

What I really want:

This is a 1959 Ford Galaxie in Indian Turquoise. Beautiful car, but terrible idea for me. Setting aside the face that I don't know a damn thing about cars, making a high-maintenance classic a bad, bad, bad idea, I'm pretty sure that the world didn't give a lick about safety issues back in those days, which means this isn't a great choice for driving around with Jack. Le sigh.

I also really want:

That's a Lamborghini something or other (see? I'm not good at cars. I just know what looks pretty). Somehow though Geico failed to give me $200,000.00 for my totaled Mustang - incredible, I know - so I need to stick to a budget. Also, after what happened to the Mustang, driving a car that's worth more than my house would make me reaaaaaaaly nervous. I'm not sure you could clear a puddle with this car.

And finally, what I really, really want:

It doesn't even need to have time-travel capabilities, although that would be nice. But beggars can't be choosers. I have wanted a DeLorean pretty much my entire life and I'm still convinced that someday, somehow, I will have one. I envision myself with my Z. Cavaricci jeans and Members Only jacket, cruising in my gull-winged beauty. I'll think I'm totally awesome. And I'll be totally wrong about that.

So those are what I want. Sadly, what my budget and mom car safety issues dictate looks more like this:

Yes, this is a Toyota Camry. Did you fall asleep looking at that photo? I know I did. When I Googled "Camry" to find a photo of one, I saw a picture with a sexy girl posing by a Camry, and all I could think was "why?" A frumpy woman with two kids, mom jeans and a PTA bumper sticker seems more appropriate.

I'm certain I just offended all my Camry-driving readers.

So, you see my dilemma. I'm convinced that there's no such thing as a muscle car for moms. Or a family sports car. Or a kid-friendly hot rod. There's totally a market for that type of car - I can't be the only one, right? Maybe the automotive industry would be in better shape if they listened to me.

Ford? GM? Call me. I have ideas. In the meantime, I'll be pining for my DeLorean while test driving Chryslers.

Thoughtful Baby Gift Guide

2010-07-28T21:39:00.000-05:00

There are so many ways to shop for gifts for a new baby. Some people like to stick strictly to the registry. Others buy online weeks ahead of the occasion. Many pick up a present on the way to the baby shower. For those looking for a baby gift that won't blend in with the avalanche of newborn onesies and receiving blankets that most new moms receive, here are some thoughtful and creative gift suggestions.

Think Big Picture. Mom is going to receive a lot of newborn and 0-3 sized clothing, but that baby is going to grow and depending on the clothing brand, some babies come home from the hospital in 3-6 sized clothing. If you want to select a clothing or other age-related gift, think big picture: that little newborn is going to be a six month old in the blink of an eye, so check out the 3-6 and 6-9 selections. Just remember to keep the climate in mind: a Wisconsin baby born in December probably won't have much use for warm fleece jammies in size 6-9.

If you want to avoid clothing altogether, remember that there are plenty of other age-dependent gifts that mom will appreciate long after baby outgrows all his newborn onesies. The Constructive Eating utensil set is a fun gift that mom will love when she introduces solids, and baby will enjoy once he begins exploring the world of self-feeding. These utensils: a forklift fork, a front-loader spoon and a bulldozer utensil to push food around, make a great gift. Pair the utensils with the Constructive Eating plate, with its ramps and steps, for a great gift for around $30.00.

Do you Etsy? As though you don't already know, Etsy.com is a fantastic place to shop for all kinds of handmade and vintage gifts including some of the most fabulous baby items that you just can't find at Target or Babies R'Us. Need some inspiration? How about some custom blocks spelling out baby's name? Or an adorable hat perfect for the newborn photography shoot? A monogrammed newborn gift set? The possibilities are as endless as the creativity of the Etsy sellers and a handmade gift is likely to be one of mom and baby's most memorable presents.

Know mom's feeding plans and philosophies. Is mom planning on breastfeeding? A package of breastfeeding care items can make a very thoughtful gift, particularly because mom doesn't always anticipate the challenges of breastfeeding. A Twitter reader suggested So That's What They're For, Janet Tamaro's friendly and encouraging breastfeeding primer as a great read for mom. Pair that with some lanolin, nursing pads, some nutritious ready-to-eat snacks and hot/cold packs for a nice gift that will get much more use than even the cutest receiving blanket.

Helping Hands. A gift certificate for the services of a post-partum doula may be the ultimate gift for a new mom. The post-partum doula can help educate mom and the entire family on new baby care, she can assist with breastfeeding issues, and she can help mom attain the level of confidence she needs to have in her own ability to respond to her newborn's needs. A great FAQ on post-partum doulas can be found here.

Did you wait until the last minute? That's okay, it happens to everyone once in awhile. Here's a gift idea that you can get at Target or Wal-Mart that isn't exactly pretty, but it may be one of mom and baby's most used items in those first few months (and beyond - my son still loves his!). Moms everywhere swear by the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Soothe and Glow Seahorse. Squeeze Seahorse's belly and he'll play soft music with quiet ocean sounds for a full five minutes. The soft sounds and warm, comforting glow can help lull baby to sleep. The Seahorse (Cecil, in our house) is relatively inexpensive, so you can pair him with some other soothing items - Aveno's Lavender Calming Lotion or some fabulous Burt's Bees baby products for a thoughtful gift that mom will definitely appreciate when she's trying to convince her little one that thirty minutes of sleep at a time just isn't enough.

And, some final advice: Unless you are shopping off of a registry, buying things like bottles and pacifiers are best avoided unless you know what mom's plans are regarding bottle feeding and pacifier use. Don't make any assumptions based on your own experiences or philosophies, and don't assume that mom is going to change her mind once the baby arrives. Let her be confident in her own decisions - there are plenty of other great, far more thoughtful gifts out there.

Readers, what were some of your most thoughtful shower gifts? What did you wish you had received?

How High's the Water, Mama?

2010-07-27T21:49:00.001-05:00

Fox River, Waukesha, WI

We had a lot of rain in Southeastern Wisconsin last week. Rain on our already saturated ground meant flooding in some areas. The Fox River swelled, swallowing up the scenic walkways on its banks.

60th and Mill Road, Milwaukee, WI.

The interior of my 2001 Mustang. A total loss.

I was lucky to only lose a car. Many people lost family heirlooms and some even lost their houses. Sewerage backups into homes meant that much of what got wet was not at all salvageable - it became a health risk.

Plenty of company in the deep water.

To put it all into perspective, one young man lost his life when his car was swept from the road and into a fast-moving creek. The whole thing was a damn shame.

A thief among us

2010-07-27T08:53:00.000-05:00

There is a thief among us. I don't know who it is. I don't know how they do it. But I'm certain they exist.

Someone is stealing our cloth diapers.

As Exhibit A, I present to you the Happy Hempy (and yes, I'm quite aware that it is difficult to protest the "hippie" label when you have cloth diapers named Happy Hempies. In my defense, they were on sale for $8 each. But, I digress). The Happy Hempy: We had two of these - I know we did. They are a wonderful pocket diaper and definitely among my favorites. But now we have only one. Someone stole a Happy Hempy.

And if that isn't enough, I present to you Exhibit B: a missing Goodmama. (Cloth diaper mamas everywhere are gasping right now - I know, right? The nerve!) For the uninitiated, Goodmamas are fashionable, collectible cloth diapers. Yeah, collectible, like beanie babies. Some patterns and styles are highly desired and they fetch crazy prices on the resale market. You think I'm making this up, don't you? No, really, there are collectible diapers.

(Have you noticed that if I didn't digress so much, my blog would be really, really short? Well, I have one more digression, in the form of a confession: I'm not even a huge Goodmama fan - I have far better diapers that cost a fraction of the Goodmamas - but I saw a bandwagon so of course I hopped right on and bought a few. And now one is missing, and I want answers.

And along with these missing diapers, we're missing a TON of inserts. We used to have a good surplus - now we don't have enough inserts for as many diapers as we have.

How does this happen? I keep all of Jack's cloth diapers in one dresser drawer. They all get washed together, with nothing else because I use a special detergent on them. They all get dried together, either on the line outside or in the dryer. And then I trek them back upstairs to the dresser drawer.

Is there a secret vault in my dryer where they are hiding? Is someone stealing them off of the clothesline? Is this some variation of the eternal missing sock mystery?

Is there a diaper heaven?

In any event, if you see a baby running around in a tan dyed Goodmama with blue trim, flaunting a Happy Hempy, give me a call. I want to question him.

And now for something completely different

2010-07-23T22:09:00.000-05:00

Today's blog was going to be about thoughtful baby shower gifts. I have been working on the piece for a few days and was going to finish it up Thursday night. The weather had a different plan for me, and so I am going to share the story of how my car was destroyed last night.

This is my Mustang. It is a 2001 convertible with the upgraded stereo system and fabulous white racing stripe. I have owned it since 2003, and it was my first car. I have often declared that the happiest day of the year is the first day of the year that I can drive the Mustang with the top down. It is exactly the car I had always wanted, and I've always said that once I had finally driven the car into the ground, I'd get another one just like it. I have so many memories with this car - Summerfest, the Dells, the fireworks, so many good memories. I truly love this car.

All day Thursday I was looking forward to getting home so that we could pack the Jeep and get ready to leave at dawn for our big camping trip. We were supposed to have some heavy rain, but for the most part it held off all day. Until it was time to head home. Then the sky opened up. I made a mad dash for my car and was soaked by the time I sat down. The radio traffic update advised me to avoid the I-43 freeway as the rains had brought the traffic to a halt. I decided to travel west on Good Hope Road with the plan of meeting the 45 freeway to finish my journey home. The water was getting deep in parts of Good Hope but I sallied forth until the 76th Street intersection, cheering on my little "Duckstang" as it navigated the streets with little problem. But at the 76th Street intersection cars were making U-turns in the middle of the street because the intersection was impassable. I too turned around and tried to take surface streets south in search of higher ground. The rain was coming down so hard that I couldn't tell what was road and what wasn't. I turned from side street to side street trying to avoid the deep water, although it was getting harder because I couldn't see much of anything through the gray sheets of rain coming down. I was afraid to stop because as cars came through the deep water it was clear that their control was questionable and I didn't want to get hit by a car being swept through the water.

Ultimately, I ended up on 60th Street with quite a few other cars, which made me nervous because no one had sufficient control in those conditions. I saw the road ahead dip and I knew the water was deep but I couldn't slow down for fear of getting rear-ended. My only hope was to try to plunge forward but as I did I saw more and more cars stuck in the intersection, water-logged.

I didn't panic until I felt my feet get wet. It took a moment for the sensation to make sense in my head: my feet were getting wet because the water was coming up through my floorboards. My car was being soaked. I turned on my hazards - I was in trouble. Soon my feet were covered, and I tried to stop, to save my car, but I couldn't - the water swept me forward. The water rose and I saw the passenger side floormat rising. The water came up to the seat and I knew my car was gone.

My car was gone. I could swear that time stopped as the realization set in. My car was gone.

A second later and the water was covering the car seat, then up to my waist. I looked into the backseat and saw my briefcase with my court files for Monday floating, soaked. I had to get out of the car before I couldn't. I pushed on the door and it wouldn't budge. The water was holding the door shut. A thousand horror movie-fueled nightmares played out in my head and I pushed with everything I had and it opened and more water poured into my car. I got out into waist-deep murky, dirty water and slogged myself to the side of the road and climbed a hill. I don't know how but I had my car keys in one hand and my blessedly dry cell phone in the other. I called my husband and I called my mom, panicked and sorrowful. Terrified. I didn't want to even look at my car, but I didn't want to leave it either. I was soaking wet with filthy water as I walked up the hill to a church where lovely people were handing out towels. I wasn't alone - there were waterlogged cars everywhere, some abandoned, others not.

I called my insurance company and watched as city buses plowed through the water, creating wakes that buried my car and others. I watched as other drivers thought they could make it through the water, some did and some failed. I had to ask the nice Geico lady to repeat herself when she said "total loss." I had to ask her what that meant, and then what I already knew became real.

Total loss.

Remembering my poor floating briefcase, I knew I had to return to the car. I also wanted to turn out the hazard lights so...why? I don't actually know. I didn't want the battery to wear down, but why did that matter? I plunged back into the cold, dirty water and waded to my car. I wasn't able to close the door completely when I left so getting in wasn't hard. I retrieved my soaked briefcase and a coat. I managed to drop my keys and had to search the dark water to find them again. I waded back to shore and waited for my rescue.

I can't stop thinking about my car, but I'm not really upset. No, I'm not, actually. I loved this car, and now I no longer have it. It is a statement of fact, and not something I feel upset or emotional about, and I don't know why. I feel like I should be upset, angry, sad. I'm not.

Do you know what does upset me? This single thought: what if Jack had been in his carseat, in the back seat? Would I have been able to get him out? Would I have been able to navigate that tricky belt buckle through murky water, in the small, hard to reach backseat? Sweet little blue eyes looking up at me, panicked and afraid, not understanding why cold water was coming into his carseat. I can't shake that thought.

The fact is that Jack and his carseat have never been in the Mustang because the backseat is so small and it never seemed safe to me, but that doesn't stop that thought from haunting me. I could play a game of a million "what-ifs" with respect to the car - what if I had stayed on Good Hope Road instead of turning off? What if I left ten minutes earlier? Or later? But the only what-if that concerns me at all is what if Jack had been with me. Everything could have changed in the blink of an eye.

My family is safe. My home is safe. Thank you, God.

There are more cars.

Anyone for a Haiku?

2010-07-22T09:40:00.001-05:00

I hope so because this morning is way too busy for a full and fabulous blog post, although I've got a great article on thoughtful baby gifts which is in the works and should go live before the end of the week.

For now though I'm going to follow the lead of some of my favorite fellow bloggers, Kit at Blogging Dangerously and Sulfa, who wrote a very poignant post today, and tell you what is keeping me so darn busy right now, in the form of haiku:

Camping with baby

Oh, dear Jesus, so much gear!

I need a sherpa.

Comments in the form of haiku will get gold stars on their report cards. 5-7-5, folks!

Wordless Wednesday: My Music Critic (Video Edition)

2010-07-20T23:01:00.000-05:00

Why cook for a baby?

2010-07-19T22:26:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to make homemade baby food for awhile now, but I've been stymied by my lack of a food processor and my own cheap refusal to buy one. My dear mom remedied that last week when she gave me her nearly-new but never used food processor and I couldn't wait to get started.

I have to say, if I can make baby food - and I did - then anyone can. It is just as easy as it sounds and I don't think I'll ever go back to the little Gerber containers again.

So how easy is it? Let's take carrots as an example. I bought six carrots at the local farmer's market on Saturday. I peeled them, cut them into chunks and steamed them with my poor-man's steamer (i.e. a pot of boiling water with a colander resting in it and a lid on top) and pureed them in the food processor, adding water as needed to make a smooth puree. Easy as that. For longer-term storage, I can put the puree into an ice cube tray and make little frozen carrot puree-cicles that I can thaw as needed.

Certainly that was more work than going to Wal-Mart and picking up the little Gerber containers (though really, not much more). So why do it?

1. I know where my vegetables came from. The carrots I used came from a farm in Delavan, Wisconsin, grown by an older couple who sells at the farmer's market every Saturday. The zucchini and squash medley I prepared was made with vegetables grown in Jackson, Wisconsin. This serves my goal of eating locally, and it also lets me support some of the smaller businesses in the area.

2. I create less waste. Those little Gerber containers are great for convenience, but every itty-bitty serving is stored in a plastic container with a plastic lid, wrapped up in twos with a cardboard wrapper. That's a lot of trash for a little food. On top of that, I have some mild concerns about the composition of the plastics used in the packaging. While some baby food companies use glass containers - a far more environmentally friendly option if reused or recycled - why not cut the waste out entirely? While "reuse" and "recycle" are great things, let's not forget the first of the three "Rs:" REDUCE.

3. I can have some fun with the flavors. Right now I have a ridiculously delicious smelling zucchini and summer squash medley pureed and waiting for my hungry baby. I don't see that on the store shelves, and what I do see doesn't smell nearly as wonderful as what I've made in my kitchen.

4. I had fun. While the zucchini and squash were being steamed I made some fantastic zucchini bread and read up on zucchini recipes which led to a really delicious dinner for us big people, too. I love how that all worked out.

5. Jack loves the results. I love seeing his expressions as he tries the new flavors and textures of the foods I prepared for him. Moreover, I feel like I am giving him a better option for eating. After all, we don't eat prepackaged take-out every day, so why should he?

We are really having a great time with our homemade baby food.Want to try it yourself?

http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/ - THE resource on all things related to the creation, storage and use of homemade baby food.

Enjoy!

My husband's superpower revealed!

2010-07-18T20:18:00.000-05:00

Remember when I said I'd never blog about baby poop? No? Good. Because this blog involves poop. If you don't want to read about poop, then this isn't the blog for you today.

This is also one of those posts that my husband is going to kill me for when he reads it. Fortunately, he only checks out my blog on occasion, so I should live for at least a few days after writing this. After this article goes live, though, I'm basically on borrowed time. You'll miss me when I'm gone. But I have to share this with somebody, and by "somebody," I mean "all of the Internets."

My husband has a supernatural ability to tell when our son has pooped.

Unless I actually see actual poo, I wouldn't know that my son had a poopy diaper if he grabbed my face, looked into my eyes and said "Momma, there be crap in me pants!" I don't recognize any of the poo cues, and I certainly don't have the finely attuned sense of smell that my husband has. I swear it is a sixth sense.

My husband has turned poo detection into a fine art. He knows every poopoo face that my son has ever mustered. He knows that a raised eyebrow means that a poo is imminent. He tells me that the turned up Elvis lip means that the poo is being delivered to the diaper at that very moment. He swears that the crinkled nose and scrunched up eyes mean that the poo has landed, and boy is baby mad about it. And he knows the meaning behind every iteration of these faces. He's a regular poo-ologist.

I'd see all of those cues and think "aw, baby's making faces." Clearly, I have much to learn.

He hasn't just mastered visual detection, though. There is an audio element to this detection mastery, and I don't mean the sound of baby toots. My husband can identify every baby grunt and decipher its meaning. He can distinguish a poo grunt from a frustration grunt from a "I'm grunting because it is a new sound and I like to make new sounds" grunt. He's totally fluent in babygruntese. Me? I need a translator.

The most finely-tuned aspect of my husband's poo-dar is his ability to smell a dirty diaper from nearly any distance. I can be in the house, holding the baby in my arms and be totally oblivious to the diaper situation while my husband can be out in the yard, smoking a cigar, and he'll tell me that Jack's diaper needs changing. We can be in a room full of babies, each with a questionable diaper status, and my husband can determine whether it is Jack who needs to be changed. And he's infuriatingly right every single time.

So, if anyone has any idea on how to turn this remarkable talent into a marketable profit, let me know. We'll give you a cut of the earnings.

My "Boy Mom" Moment

2010-07-17T12:41:00.000-05:00

August 11, 2009 was the day of my "big ulstrasound;" the day we learned that our little baby was in fact going to be a boy. It was the day I had to pack up my visions of sweet frilly dresses and tea parties and try to figure out what to do with a boy. I mean, what do boys like? Sticks? Mud? Bugs? Little cars? This is going to be complicated.

This week I had a big glimpse into what it is going to be like to be the mom of a little boy, although I guess I can't fairly call this my first "boy mom" moment. That happened at the hospital, the very day little Jack was born, when he shot a champion pee stream into the air and across our hospital room. I couldn't do anything to contain the flow because I was laughing so hard. My husband saved the day by scrambling a diaper to cover the spout. (Of course he'll never let me live that one down). That was my first "boy mom" moment.

My first major "boy mom" moment happened this week. Jack has learned a new sound this week: the raspberry. Of course, being Jack, he can't just do it occasionally, or quietly, or in private. No, this boy goes for the gusto. He takes this new skill of his and practices it every chance he gets, in all kinds of company. And it isn't just a simple raspberry sound. No, Jack couldn't do it that way. He has to make the biggest, baddest, wettest, oh-my-god-I-just-crapped-my-pants fart sound every time he does it.

Oh, but that's not all. No. This is Jack. He doesn't do things halfway.

Instead of simply doing one of these monster shart raspberries and then moving on to something else, he has developed an equally gross, wet, suctioning sound to inhale with. This gives him the ability to make a string of wet, sloppy raspberries in a row, which sounds like squishyfart-suck-squishyfart-suck-squishyfart-suck. And repeat. Did I mention that it's really loud, too?

Yeah, it's great. And,yeah, people stare. I get everything from the "you need to change that boy's diaper, STAT" to the "ohmygod honey I think that woman just farted" stare. No, really, it's the baby. And it was his face. I swear. Thanks, Jack.

As for Jack, he thinks it's hilarious. We definitely have a boy on our hands.

A Big To-Do

2010-07-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to make this list for awhile, and I was reminded last week by a good e-friend that lists like this can be fun and cathartic. I could call it a bucket list, but that sounds morbid and today is sunny and beautiful and I don't want to think about morbid things. Instead, this is my big To-Do List for life. It is ever changing and evolving, it is honest, and if I'm not constantly adding to it and crossing things off, then I'll have disappointed myself. I'm not going to let that happen.

And so begins my list, in no particular order.

1. I want to ride a horse. It is only through cruel twists of fate that I've never ridden a horse. Like all young girls, I loved horses. I had about eleventy-gazillion toy horses, each with a name and a story and piles of pretend trophies. I grew up on a farm, with a beautiful horse barn that was totally devoid of horses. I had a mom who took horseback lessons for years. She came from a family of riders. My father owned countless horses long before I was born. I should have been a rider. But when I came along, all the horses were gone. That needs to change. Maybe I won't even like it, but I need to give it a try.

2. I want to go rock climbing. I'd say mountain climbing, but actually I'm not that adventurous yet. And as my California husband is quick to point out, we're in Wisconsin, there's no mountains here. So I'll start small - I'd like to rock climb.

3. I want to ride a snowmobile. Wait, I just said I live in Wisconsin, yet I've never ridden a snowmobile? Well, that's not exactly true - it has been years. My last ride was in middle school. Someday I want to participate in my state's great tradition of going up north, getting on a snowmobile, and bar hopping. (Could I possibly throw any more Wisconsin stereotypes into this one? Yeah - I could. I didn't mention the Packers, brats, cheese or a Harley, eh?)

4. Speaking of Harleys, I want to own a motorcycle. Though not a Harley-Davidson. I know, I have to forfeit all of the Wisconsin cred that I just earned with the previous item, but I'm pretty enamored with the Russian-made Ural. Rawr! See the sidecar? That's for Jack, when he's older.

5. I want to live by the lake. Even if it is just for the summer, I want to wake up to the sounds of the gulls. I want to have coffee while listening to the waves. I want to walk barefoot to and from the beach and track sand through my kitchen. I want to swim among the seaweed and fish from a pier. I'm in love with the lake lifestyle.

6. I want to pan for gold. And not just in the trough at Knott's Berry Farm, as fun as that is. I want to go back to the Colorado River and pan. I did it when I was in third grade - my daddy Jack took me to the mountains and bought me a big black plastic gold pan. I kept that pan for years, through many moves and downsizings and sadly it has disappeared. I want to go back and reclaim that memory.

7. I want to go to New Orleans. This is a tough one for me, for a lot of reasons. First, while I firmly believe that I can take my son with me for nearly everything, New Orleans is one of those places that I just don't need to take a baby, or a toddler, or a grade schooler, or maybe even a middle school boy. It is also tough because I have beautiful, amazing memories of pre-Katrina New Orleans: the colors and sights and sounds and smells, the wild abandon. I loved taking it all in, from the early mornings before the city comes to life to the wee hours of the night when the city is pulsing with energy. I've also been to post-Katrina New Orleans, not long after the storm changed everything. It was like visiting a good friend that you haven't seen in years only to find that the vivacious young woman you remembered, the one just bursting with life has fallen ill and is but a frail, sickly shadow of herself. It is hard to go there, but my love for that city will never die.

8. I want to take a family road trip. Remember National Lampoon's Vacation? That's my inspiration, sort of. At least in spirit. I want to pack my family into the Jeep and drive, drive, drive to some faraway attraction, stopping at roadside diners and small town oddities on the way, collecting tacky souvenirs and taking polaroids of our memorable moments. And if, at the end of it, we hate our car, the road, and each other, we'll get over it, and we'll have made some great memories.

9. I want to have a wildly successful garden. This one will happen. Each year, my garden gets a little bigger and a little better. Each year, I learn some valuable lessons. Like, squirrels love peppers and will go to great lengths to eat them. And raspberry bushes expand exponentially, but cucumbers will take over the earth if unabated. Each year, I have a little less frustration, a little more success, and if I keep baby-stepping along, someday it will look like I know what I'm doing.

10. I want to see Alaska. This one is going to surprise a lot of people that know me. No lie: I shiver when the temperature dips below 70. The winter coat comes out around 65 degrees. In winter, you'll find me with the heat cranked up, fully clothed under a mountain of blankets, counting the days until spring and blessed, blessed summer. Alaska was never, ever even a thought in my head because to me, Alaska = cold and cold = bad. Lately though, it has been a thought in my head and it won't go away. I find myself reading books about Alaskan adventures and I get engrossed in shows about its natural beauty and rugged wilderness. Maybe someday.

That's my list, for now, until it changes.

What's on your list?

Cosleeping education takes a lesson from the abstinence only camp.

2010-07-15T10:57:00.000-05:00

The City of Milwaukee, with the help of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, has made an effort to raise awareness about what it terms "cosleeping deaths" in the City. Over the past year and a half, the Journal has reported case after case of babies dying as a result of being crushed or suffocated while sleeping in a bed or on a sofa with a parent. The Milwaukee Health Department's response has been to launch a new campaign urging parents not to cosleep at all, and offering a Pack n Play as a safe sleep location alternative for families who cannot afford a crib. I saw the first anti-cosleeping television spot this morning.

I'll say it: I have a big problem with this.

Let me explain why, by way of analogy: Remember abstinence-only education? Abstinence-only sex education focuses only on abstinence from sex. It excludes information about birth control, safe sex, and other sexual and reproductive health education. The impetus behind this is the assumption that if we tell young people about contraception and safe sex, they will think it is okay to have sex. This method of sex education has been widely criticized by opponents who say that if teenagers want to have sex, they will, and the best sex education advises them of the safe sex options that are available so that if they do have sex they will be prepared.

Milwaukee's "all cosleeping is bad" approach is very much like abstinence-only education. Some parents are going to cosleep no matter what the television says. Instead of telling them that they are bad parents who are going to kill their children (the "abstinence-only" approach), let's educate them on the safe methods of cosleeping. It is abundantly clear from the reported cosleeping deaths that the parents involved were not educated on safe cosleeping,* as the deaths often involve alcohol, drug use, or a poor sleep location such as a couch.

Frustratingly, the Milwaukee Health Department doesn't even appear to acknowledge that there are safe methods for cosleeping. Personally, I am a huge fan of the Snuggle Nest, an infant "bed" that fits safely on an adult bed. Other parents find the Arms Reach Cosleeper a wonderful alternative. Yet the Health Department is silent on these alternatives, hoping instead that parents who could otherwise cosleep safely will instead resign their child to a crib and ignoring the idea that many will simply disregard the public service announcements and continue to sleep unsafely on the sofa with their infant.

*Obviously, the alternate explanation is that the parents involved just don't care, and no amount of education or PSAs will change that.

Round, round, get around, I get around (guest blog time!)

2010-07-14T11:02:00.000-05:00

I had such a good time writing this guest blog for Miranda at Not Super...Just Mom. She took me up on my offer to write a guest post and gave me the opportunity to talk about some of my favorite things: vintage toys.

If any of these pictures bring back fond memories, then you need to head over to Not Super...Just Mom and check out my guest blog on the return of vintage toys. And while you are there, be sure to read some of her other posts (and if you are a "boy mom," you must read this one) she's one of my favorite mom-bloggers.

Wordless Wednesday: Bird Search

2010-07-13T22:32:00.000-05:00

How many birds do you see in my backyard?

Bonus question: Can you see the squirrel?

Four seasons of eating locally

2010-07-13T02:01:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let's Talk About Food

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about their struggles and successes with healthy eating. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

I envy my southern friends who share their spring garden success stories, or talk about the fruit they found at the local farmer's market in February. In northern states like mine, with long winters and hot summers, we don't have those luxuries. Eating locally can be a real challenge, but sometimes the thrill of the hunt is as good as the food we find. Every season has something to offer by way of local food, and if variety is truly the spice of life, then we're heaping on that spice right here.

Springtime
While Wisconsin weather is totally unpredictable, the biggest, ugliest piles of snow start to melt in March, and aside from an occasional late April snow shower, things start to get green after the Easter holiday. As the frozen ground turns to mud, our thoughts turn to gardening. The local garden stores bring out their seeds and peat pots, and gardeners get busy planning out this year's bounty. I began my garden planning in March and found that my old garden was too small for everything I had planned. In April I began starting my peppers and eggplants indoors. By May I had doubled my garden space and by Memorial Day all of my seeds and plants were in the ground.

Planning is all well and good, but what about eating? A handful of farmer's markets open in April, typically featuring meats, cheeses, early rhubarb, maple syrup, mushrooms and greenhouse cucumbers and tomatoes. The variety is a little lacking in the beginning, but it only gets better as the year goes on.

Summer
Summer is simply the season for eating locally in a cooler climate. By May and June all of the local farmer's markets are in full swing, featuring everything from strawberries to broccoli to chard and lettuce greens. In July, squash, eggplant, melons, carrots and beans are fully stocked, while August brings on the greatest bounty yet: cherries, cucumbers, shallots, garlic, artichoke, onions, parsley, parsnips, pears, plums, potatoes, sweet corn and so much more.

The farmer's markets have to share the spotlight with local gardens by this time of the year. In early summer, tomatoes, peppers, onions and peas are making their appearances in the garden. By mid summer we see cucumbers, ripe tomatoes and all kinds of peppers, beans, eggplant, just to name a few.

Another summer favorite that's especially fun with children are the "pick your own" farms. Strawberries, raspberries and apples are the most popular "pick your own" attractions, while cherries and beans are fun options too.

Fall
While summer brings the best fresh harvest, fall can't be beat for one thing: canning. The late season farmer's markets are the best place to find cucumbers suitable for pickling, apples perfect for applesauce, fruits of all kinds for jellies and preserves, and tomatoes and peppers perfect for a chili base on a cold winter night.

A good number of farmer's markets soldier on into the fall months, as apples, pumpkins and corn remain viable and are very popular as the weather turns cool.

Winter
In response to the increasing popularity of organic foods and local eating, Milwaukee now has its very own winter farmer's market. Last year was the inaugural year for the market, and despite the fact that many vendors hadn't planned for year-round sales, the variety was not bad. In this coming winter we should see much more variety as the sellers have planned ahead for the demand created by this unique market.

Eating locally has been a fun endeavor for our family, and every year we add some new local flavor to our menu. Every season brings its own challenges and its own rewards, and we're enjoying it immensely.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated July 13 with all the carnival links.)

Welcome to Two — All About Food — In case you hadn't heard, there is a conspiracy afoot from the two year olds of the world. Shana at Tales of Minor Interest stumbled onto their newsletter!
Four Seasons of Eating Locally — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction has pointers for what fresh produce can be found year-round. (@MBJunction)
Happy Families Can Have More Than One Diet — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has figured out a way for her family to live happily as vegans and vegetarians with relatives who eat meat. (@DebChitwood)
My Own Omnivore’s Dilemma — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante prioritizes responsible consumer choices for her family.
No Gluten — No Cry — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma learned to cook balanced meals when her son's food sensitivities prompted a diet overhaul. (@kitchenwitch)
Try, Try Again — Stefanie at very very fine has become an enthusiastic consumer of locally grown food.
CSA — Week 1 — Casey at What Love Is wants her children to know where their food comes from, so she joined a friendly CSA. (@CBerbs)
Food: Parenting or Homemaking? — Michelle at The Parent Vortex sees food as part of a parent's nurturing role. (@TheParentVortex)
5 Tips to Help Kids Develop Healthy Eating Habits — If you struggle with healthy eating, helping your child develop healthy habits might be a challenge. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares five easy tips that will help your kids learn to make good food choices. (@CodeNameMama)
Family Food: Seeking Balance Between Healthy, Sustainable & Affordable — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings has a whole list of ideas for how she can improve her family's eating, both now and into the future. (@sunfrog)
Whole Foods in, Wholesome Feelings Out — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has turned her back on the processed, preservative-ridden food of her childhood. (@tisworthwhile)
When to Splurge on Organic (and When It Is Okay to Skip It) — Becoming Mamas tell you what foods to prioritize when buying pricier organic food, and where you can find it cheaper. (@becomingmamas)
TITLE — Acacia at Be Present Mama tells a story in pictures of her family taking a trip to the local organic farmers market and then preparing a summer meal together with their bounty.
Eat Your Food, or Else — Why should we not bribe a child to eat? TwinToddlersDad from Littlestomaks (Science Driven Real Life Toddler Nutrition) explains.
(@TwinToddlersDad)
Food, Glorious Food! — Luschka at Diary of a First Child describes three easy ways her family has started eating healthier. (@diaryfirstchild)
Celebrating Food — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes in food as medicine and thinks it's worth paying more to keep healthy. (@myzerowaste)
Oil and Yogurt — What have you been motivated to do with the current oil spill crisis? midnightfeedings has started making her own yogurt. (@midnightfeeding)
Growth-Spurt Soup (AKA “Beannut Stew”)
— BeanMa has a special stew to help her baby through growth spurts that keep her up all night. (@thebeanma)
Why I Love The Real Food Community — Much like many people who follow AP/NP values, Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! takes the parts of the "real food" philosophy that work for her family and leaves the rest. (@bfmom)
Feeding a Family of Six — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children gives helpful tips for feeding a family of six.
Starting Solids at 6 Months — Did your doctor recommend that you give your baby cereal? Sheryl at Little Snowflakes discusses how whole foods are so much healthier (and more delicious) than traditional cereal. (@sheryljesin)
Am I What I Eat? — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. has figured out a way to avoid grocery stores nearly altogether.
Are We Setting Our Kids Up To Fail? — Megan at Purple Dancing Dahlias found that cutting out the junk also transformed her sons' behavior problems.
Changing your family's way of eating — Lauren at Hobo Mama has techniques you can try to move your family gradually toward a healthier diet. (@Hobo_Mama)
Real Food — What kinds of fake foods do you eat? And why?! Lisa C. at My World Edenwild talks about why she chooses real food.
A Snackaholic’s Food Battle — Julie at Simple Life wants to stop snacking and get into the old ways of cooking from scratch and raising her own food. (@homemakerjulie)
Food, Not Fight — Summer at Finding Summer doesn't want her kids to grow up like her husband: hating everything green. (@summerm)
How Do You Eat When You Are out of Town? — Cassie at There's a Pickle In My Life wants some tips on how to eat healthy when you are out of town.
Carnival of Natural Parenting: Food! — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker hopes that by serving her children healthy, balanced meals, they will become accustomed to making good food choices. (@sybilryan)
There's No Food Like Home's — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing revels in the Bajan food of her upbringing. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
This Mom's Food Journey — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment made a journey from not paying attention to food to growing her own.
Who Knew Eating Was So Hard? — The challenges involved in changing to healthier eating habits take on a whole new dimension when you have a child who has difficulties eating. kadiera at Our Little Acorn shares her own experiences. (@kadiera)
Loving Food — Starr at Earth Mama truly believes food is her family's medicine and is willing to spend days preparing it the traditional way.
Food Mindfulness — Danielle at born.in.japan details how her family spends money on each category of food. (@borninjp)
Food for Little People — Zoey at Good Goog wants to bless her daughter with happy traditions built around good food. (@zoeyspeak)
Eat Like a Baby — Have you been told that you should not equate food with love? Kate Wicker at Momopoly shows us why that's not necessarily true. (@Momopoly)
Food — Deb at Science@Home tries to teach her children three rules to help them eat a healthy diet. (@ScienceMum)
Healthy Eating Lactose-Free — MamanADroit gives us tips on how to eat healthy if you are lactose intolerant (or just don’t want cow milk). (@MamanADroit)

Changes

2010-07-11T22:13:00.000-05:00

For the past three months Jack has exhibited various behaviors associated with teething: drooling, gnawing, rosy cheeks and the occasional fussing. Every flashlight examination of his little gums so far showed no evidence of teeth until Sunday, on the way home from our weekend in the Wisconsin Dells.

Jack bit Daddy. And like everything Jack does, it was so precious I nearly cried. Seriously, as I was driving down 94 from Madison towards Milwaukee, I nearly bust out into tears because my son was getting his first lil' teeth.

I fear I'm becoming "that mom." The one who thinks that everything her kid does is the sweetest, most precious thing on earth. The one who believes every milestone (carefully photographed and catalogued) is evidence of her child's genius. The one who thinks that her child's loud wailing at a restaurant is cute. ("How sweet, he's singing!") The one who blogs (and tweets, and Facebooks) about silly little moments, like the discovery of brand new baby teeth. I'm trying not to go down that road, but it is a slippery slope.

I've already become the mom that absolutely goes grape nuts over little tiny babies (have you ever said ZOMG THOSE CHEEEEKS! out loud? I have). I already must stop at every Gymboree and Children's Place to check out the sales. I never wanted to become that woman, but here I am, lookit me SQUEE-ing over newborns. Clearly I'm just steps away from being the mommy with a shirt that says "Jack's Mommy" on it. I don't want to be that mommy. I hate that mommy. She's lame.

They say parenthood changes you. I was expecting changes, sure, but not like this. I'm totally gay over my kid. And I'm not really sure I want to change that.

The Rape and Pillage of a Childhood Memory

2010-07-11T15:02:00.000-05:00

Our first camping trip with Jack was quite a success. While I'd like to spend some time sharing stories of Jack's many firsts that happened on this trip - including his first two teeth - I have something that I need to get off of my chest. It is only marginally related to babies, momhood, and the stuff this blog is usually about.

I need to talk about the rape and pillage of one of my fond childhood memories: the Tommy Bartlett Ski, Sky and Stage Show in the Wisconsin Dells. Since the 1950s, this show of waterskiing stunts, acrobatic marvels, and quality comedy has entertained families along the shores of Lake Delton. The Tommy Bartlett show was always a must-see in the Dells. My mom took me to see it when I was in middle school, and I was amazed. I thought we'd share the experience with Jack this weekend while we camped in the Dells.

It was awful. We left after 20 minutes.

We suspected something was amiss when we got into the parking lot, just moments before the show started, and it was only about a quarter full. For a Saturday evening show on a night with amazing weather, that had to be a bad sign. Things went from bad to worse when we noticed that some of walkways had been adorned with these ridiculously cheesy illustrations of the characters of "Camp Bartlett," including, I shit you not, "DJ Flaven," and a 70s game show host character named Wink. The premise of the waterski portion of the show was a "ski off" between rival camps, as narrated by DJ Flava and Wink, and acted out by an equally contrived and ridiculous band of stereotypes: the nerd, the jock, the cool camp counselor. The dialogue was over-the-top cheesy and the skits were worthy of middle-school improv. And don't get me started on the clown. Why was there a clown at Camp Bartlett? Nothing made any sense.

The bad acting would have been forgivable if the waterskiing was amazing. It was not. What used to be a show of incredible waterski stunts by renowned skiiers was now thirty minutes of agony put on by college kids who may or may not have skiied before this summer. I've never waterskiied in my life, but I'm relatively certain that with a few days of training I could do at least as good as the performers at Bartlett's. For example, the "stunt" in the photo below involved four skiiers, although one fell almost immediately. (Also, do notice the sea of empty seats in the front. Why are the best seats in the house completely devoid of people?)

Falls like that were not at all rare. They were the norm for this show. A show is truly bad when you begin to feel bad for the actors involved. This one went beyond that: it was actually really uncomfortable to watch. I'm guessing that most people, unlike me, read the Tripadvisor.com reviews before deciding on tickets, as there were plenty of empty seats in every direction. That's pretty incredible when you consider that tickets to the show are free with your stay at a number of local hotels.

The ski ramps proclaimed this the "Greatest Show on H2O." I'm pretty sure there have been better shows on the H2O at the attraction's restrooms.

The show's pedigree can only take it so far. I'm sad to see Tommy Bartlett's legacy on Lake Delton has come to this, but I don't see how the show at this quality level can last. The show holds some beautiful frontage property on Lake Delton. Maybe it is time for change so that a more profitable venture can come in and do something there worth seeing.

Twitter Weirdos.

2010-07-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

You may know that I tweet. I tweet like an addict. (Are you following me? You should be. On Twitter, that is. In real life, that would be odd). I tweet from my computer, and I tweet from my iPhone. My number of followers on Twitter has grown quite a bit in the past month, and while most are some interesting, quality folks, some are just plain weird. I'm making my weirdo list, and checking it twice.

The Loner. One of my newest followers is following over 1,000 people. He has a respectable 200+ followers himself. And a grand total of 0 tweets. What are you doing? I sort of feel like he's just peeking in my window. Creepy.

The Horny Guy. This is the guy who follows people for the purpose of attempting a hookup. He'll send a creepy direct message about how he thinks my profile photo is hot, and that he'd like to meet me. This is particularly creepy when my profile photo is a picture of my baby son. Begone, horny guy. There's a whole internet full of porn out there for you. And speaking of that...

The Porn Bot. If your profile picture is a photo of your crotch (or, more correctly, some porn model's crotch, as you are actually a 30-something fat guy living in mom's basement), I know that you are just following me because you want me to follow you back so you can spam me with links to your pornolicious website. No thank you.

The eBay/Etsy Maven: This one is particularly disappointing when it is a person who would be reallyinteresting to follow, if only they would tweet about something besides their latest eBay and Etsy listings. In my opinion, this is just a step above virtual panhandling. I don't mind a weekly or even daily update on your listings, but I don't need a daily link to each item you have for sale.

The Retweeter. These are hard to identify at first, but once you've followed them for a little while, they stick out like a beacon. They add no content, no comments, no anything of their own. Their only purpose is to retweet smart things that other people say. Retweeting is great when done sparingly. Retweeting your friend's "OMG I LOVE GLEE!!!1!" just isn't all that interesting to anyone else.

The Dirty Talker: Some people apparently tweet just for the purpose of saying raunchy stuff their mom would have soaped their mouths for. A naughty word for effect, occasionally, can be effective. When you use it all the time you just sound juvenile. There are a few notable exceptions to this rule, though. @GaryJBusey tweets like a sailor, but he's so freaking funny that it is worth every cuss. (Sure - I'll share a recent gem of his: No lube? Grab a shoehorn. That's #howtobeagoodbf.). See? Told ya. Want more? How about: "Taking the road less traveled" is my favorite euphemism for anal sex. (Okay, simmer down. That's enough).

Some folks on Twitter are head and shoulders above the rest. Their tweets are a perfect blend of interesting links, offbeat commentary, blog updates, conversations and an occasional photo. Not surprisingly, those that master the perfect blend have a lot of well-deserved followers.

Don't get me wrong - I don't unfollow all of my Twitter creeps. The occasional dirty old man or eBay pusher keeps me out of trouble now and again but as my Twitter Weirdo list grows, the list of users I follow shrinks.

Camping with baby: part deux

2010-07-08T07:58:00.000-05:00

Even though our previous attempt at camping with the baby was derailed at the last minute, the KOA Campground was kind enough to simply switch our reservation, without penalty because of the circumstances. Now that camping weekend is upon us, I've been making lists of what we need.

Good lord, how is it that a baby requires so much stuff? He's not that big.

We got a taste of this excess over the weekend when we stuffed our Jeep to the gills for a simple overnight in Lake Geneva. Between a Pack-n-Play, two strollers (yes, two. Baby likes variety), a baby carrier, the Baby Bjorn, suitcases for each of us, and the giant carseat that seems to take up three quarters of the car's backseat, there was hardly room for anything else.

Clearly, for this weekend we'll need to defy physics by fitting even more into the Patriot. Never has my vehicle seemed to tiny. In addition to all of the above, we need to bring our camp stove, the Big Red Camping Box (the huge tub that houses all of our camping utensils, towels, firestarters, dry goods, etc.), sleeping bags, pillows, and oh god what else am I forgetting?

Did I mention that we don't even need our tent this time? We're renting a Kabin. (Yes, I realize that isn't technically camping. The Kabin even has AC. But we're baby-camping n00bs, and we have to start somewhere).

I have no idea how this is all going to fit. Maybe we'll need to leave something behind. Like my husband.*

If we manage to pull this off, I'll post some pictures because clearly we will have broken a few laws of physics.

*Just kidding, honey. I know you read the blog now. *kisses*

Cloth Diaper Week

2010-07-07T14:29:00.000-05:00

Another day, another guest blog. Today you can find me over at The Crafty Nest where cloth diapers are the subject of the week. I dispelled a few common cloth diaper myths, so be sure you don't miss that. There are plenty of other cloth diaper topics going on for Cloth Diaper Week, including some great contests and an opportunity to show off photos of your stash of cloth diaper fluff.

Fun times, my friends! Many thanks to Vanessa at The Crafty Nest for maintaining a great blog and for giving me an opportunity to write a guest blog this week.

Wordless Wednesday: Summertime

2010-07-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

The only thing better than summertime is summertime at the lake. I love the lake.

My beautiful niece with my beautiful son, exhausted from a hard day playing in the sun and sand.